I was re-reading some of my posts in 2008. Back then I wrote a lot more about relationships. I came across a post entitled, "What Do Good Black Men Want in a Relationship?" It was a topic on the Tyra Banks Show and I expounded upon it. I got some really good comments on the post. CLICK HERE to read it.
I love reading my old posts. I reflect upon that hopeful, dream-filled young woman who wrote back in 2008. I can appreciate the journey that has led me to be the woman I am today. I just am not wowed by what I used to be wowed by.
I have learned a few lessons in these six years of writing this blog. On relationships, specifically:
1. Behavior never lies. What someone shows you in his/her actions – believe.
2. Real men want to provide, protect, and cover. If you are always providing and covering – something is wrong.
3. A man taking charge is like the sexiest thing ever.
4. An honest no that is hard to hear is better than a fraudulent yes.
5. Real men tell the truth.
6. It is okay to wait on Mr. Right and not settle for Mr. Right Now. By Mr. Right, I mean God.
7. Don't let others pressure you into a relationship.
8. If your gut is telling you something is wrong, SOMETHING IS WRONG!
9. Be open to new experiences.
10. Be willing to learn. You (I), don't know everything.
Why do men love cars so much? Is it the speed, the shiny paint job? Maybe its the fact that they can tinker with it for hours, never quite fix anything but still feel good about their performance?
Yeah, I don't know either.
I had to go do the whole oil change, inspection sticker thing today. I always go to the same shop because they never try to sell me the line that I need a million other things done and the mechanic is super cute.
So I get there, and super cute mechanic dude is nowhere to be found. Just my luck, I think to myself. I decide to use my time to transcribe some recordings for my article. I am a few minutes in and super cute mechanic walks in. He is all smiles per usual and asks about what I am doing. It's extra cute because he gets all nervous and says, "Are you doing school work for your job?" He laughs and clears it up and a conversation ensues. He asks about where I went to school and I hesitate a minute. I hate this part right here. Cue Pussycat Dolls. I then go ahead and tell him where I went to undergrad/grad.
This always happens. When I tell a guy (African American guy) my college credentials he seems to get intimidated. Like this dude's whole demeanor changes. He starts stuttering a bit as if he is scared he may say something stupid. So, I put down my recorder and laptop and try to spark the conversation again but I can tell that the spark had dissipated.
He did, however, fix my battery terminal for free. When I asked him what did I owe, he simply smiled and said, "just make sure you have a great day."
This past week has been a roller coaster of emotional ups, downs and suspension. Come Monday, I am officially in the second week of my two weeks' notice. With one end in site and a new beginning on the horizon, I guess this was the devil's time to get busy.
For brevity I'll just focus on the guy.
So this guy that I was not interested in kept finding his way in my space every day, multiple times a day. One day he finds his courage and finally asks me out. . . well, to "hang out." Yes, he is 25 and this is the parlance of 25 year olds.
I kinda blew him off last weekend just because I am too grown for that. Plus, my gut feeling told me he was just too young. UNTIL, I tell a couple of friends who suggest that I give him a shot. Maybe he could turn out to be a good friend. One tactless friend declared that I am insane and will probably be alone forever.
So against my better judgment and Godly discernment, I tell him that I am free this Saturday evening. He agrees that he'll text me later with details. SN: I loathe texting but he is 25 years old.
So Saturday comes. I go to my housing seminar in the morning, wash, get my eyebrows waxed and. . .NOTHING. No call, no text. . nothing!
So Sunday comes and he calls around noon wanting to know what I was up to. His words, "I'm out and about and wanted to know what you had planned today." Um, something that doesn't involve you, kiddo.
So, I politely tell him that I have things to do and that I was free yesterday. He apologizes and says something about hanging out with his friends. He, then, asks what do I have to do. My response, "Some stuff." lol
Dear child, let this be a lesson to you. If you feel you are man enough to approach a grown, independent woman and ask for her time, you better make it worth something.
A friend posted a question concerning an "anonymous" person but she gave some details that anyone who has seen this girl can probably figure out who she is speaking of.
Ok. So she poses the question, why do women over 30 do ANYTHING to get and keep a man. She then goes on to explain how this woman has been sleeping with a dude with a live in girlfriend of six years. He has given her twp STDs and made her have an abortion. He only sees her twice in the week for maybe 4 hrs. (Here's the kicker) The girl has a physical deformity. Her hands are malformed.
OK. You have just identified this person. LOL
This is why I blog. Most people on FB don't know my blog exists. I go through great pains to keep my situations as abstract as possible. (As to protect the innocent, and not so innocent. LOL)
I just wrote that this girl needs prayer and maybe professional counseling. Strongholds exists. Some may call them addictions. You can be addicted to food, drugs, drama, and even people.
I know for a fact prayer, seeking God, and fasting can break any stronghold. Sometimes you need professional help as well.
Who hasn't been a fool for love? As Lisa Fischer sang, "A fool for love, is a fool for pain and I refuse to love you again."
I have written on Talulazoeapple about fears before, I think. I have also been attempting to overcome most of my (irrational) ones.
I still have left to conquer my fear of dating. It's not like I am cowering in a corner at the thought of it. I just allow my doubts to keep me from trying to connect with someone.
I could just blame all of this on my mother. Parents are easy scapegoats, but it's me.
I figured like most things in life, if I write it down, visualizing my fears I can conquer them.
10. Men are dogs – You have heard this one many a time. I don't think all men are dogs but most have a propensity toward canine behavior. LIL To deal, you need a trainer's license and a rabies shot.
9. Men lie – Truth be told everyone lies in a little. I may wear a padded bra . . .or not, whose asking?To date one must be willing to play a little I Spy from time to time.
8. At my age, all of the good ones are taken - I know this cannot be true, after all there are 5.7 billion people on earth. Surely there has to be one heterosexual, disease-free, educated, professional with no baby momma's or mental illnesses man with all of his teeth. Just one is all I need.
7. Marriage is passe – With Oprah leading the pack of professional women who have these "spiritual unions" (followed by Halle Berry), many are negating the importance of holy matrimony. I would just like to tell all these women, keep it real. Ya'll are way richer than your boyfriends and wanna keep that money right. LOL You ain't fooling me!
6. Every unmarried man over thirty is on the down-low – Lord why did Oprah do that show on down-low brothers. I swear, I think every guy, I mean every guy I meet has a secret. **in Wendy Williams voice** How you doin'? Irrational? IDK. Watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta has refueled this particular one. Lord, help me to overcome. LOL
5. Once married men turn into control freaks – I know many a married man who wants to tell their wife when and where she can breathe. . .and they do it. Um. . .no. I am an easy going girl, I need an easy going guy. I will allow a man to be a man, just allow me to be. . .free.
4. I may change my mind – I know this is the craziest one but I have track record of losing interest in things and marriage is forever. Forever, ever? I had a cat once and the thing was soo smelly, I kicked it out of the house. It wandered into the parking lot and got hit by car. Can you see where I am going with this?
3. All men want is sex, sex, and more sex – This can't fly. I am a Christian that actually practices celibacy – for really, real. I always fear that a guy won't be interested in relationship where there is no nookie. I am not sure if this one is rational or irrational.
2. A man is supposed to find me – Lord, the perils of COGIC upbringing. Whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good thing and obtaineth favor of the Lord Proverbs 18:22. This scripture was always recited as an admonishment not to look for a man. You are supposed to let a man find you. This presents quite a conundrum for the single girl.
1. I am meant to be alone – When I was a little girl, I wanted to become a nun. No, really, I did but I was not Catholic. I thought I would dedicate my life to serving God and remain a virgin for life. Well that one did not pan out. Sometimes I think God (who according to my COGIC upbringing is a jealous God) wants me for Himself. I mean, really, who can compare to the Almighty. Or maybe it's like any father, He wants only the best for me. No ordinary, jack leg (my momma's phrase) will do. Maybe I am not meant to be alone but I meant to wait on God.