When it comes to attraction to a man, what a woman likes at 18 is different than what she likes at 30. If I could impart any aged wisdom to young women looking for a mate – look with your more mature lens. Project your future.
Maybe he is not the typical captain of the football team but captain of the chess club. Maybe his hair does lay down with baby oil but rises like steel wool but he has potential. He may be nerdy now but does he have "potential"?
When you are younger, you go for that spark but as you mature you choose what is smart. Like Lauryn Hill said,
"What you want might make you cry What you need might pass you by If you don't catch it, If you don't catch it, And what you need ironically Will turn out what you want to be If you just let it, If you just let it"
I love that youtube clip. I know Sherri is kicking herself about shading Hill Harper. Talk about potential.
I know that some men who are raised without the influence of their fathers can learn from that abandonment and become extraordinary fathers. I was wondering on this Father's Day, can men raised without a positive father in their life become nurturing and supportive husbands?
I was watching Waiting To Exhale last night and the character Gloria did not want to let her son Tarik go study abroad because she then would be alone. For some reason this storyline struck a nerve with me. I wondered, what type of man will Tarik grow up to be? Will he become a womanizer never settling because his mom is the love of his life.
I have met men who love their kids to death but have a somewhat strained antagonistic relationship with their wife, girlfriend, and/or baby's momma. I started thinking, what makes these men reluctant to forsake all others for the woman in their life?
Why is it that Sean "P. Diddy" Combs can feel no shame about being in a nationally televised interview talking about his six kids with multiple mothers. He just said he is a good dad but never mentioned being a good mate. Why is this the publicized example?
Is it because they have never seen a man tough it out and make his family work? Is it a lack of self-discipline and commitment?
I have written on Talulazoeapple about fears before, I think. I have also been attempting to overcome most of my (irrational) ones.
I still have left to conquer my fear of dating. It's not like I am cowering in a corner at the thought of it. I just allow my doubts to keep me from trying to connect with someone.
I could just blame all of this on my mother. Parents are easy scapegoats, but it's me.
I figured like most things in life, if I write it down, visualizing my fears I can conquer them.
Here goes:
10. Men are dogs – You have heard this one many a time. I don't think all men are dogs but most have a propensity toward canine behavior. LIL To deal, you need a trainer's license and a rabies shot.
9. Men lie – Truth be told everyone lies in a little. I may wear a padded bra . . .or not, whose asking?To date one must be willing to play a little I Spy from time to time.
8. At my age, all of the good ones are taken - I know this cannot be true, after all there are 5.7 billion people on earth. Surely there has to be one heterosexual, disease-free, educated, professional with no baby momma's or mental illnesses man with all of his teeth. Just one is all I need.
7. Marriage is passe – With Oprah leading the pack of professional women who have these "spiritual unions" (followed by Halle Berry), many are negating the importance of holy matrimony. I would just like to tell all these women, keep it real. Ya'll are way richer than your boyfriends and wanna keep that money right. LOL You ain't fooling me!
6. Every unmarried man over thirty is on the down-low – Lord why did Oprah do that show on down-low brothers. I swear, I think every guy, I mean every guy I meet has a secret. **in Wendy Williams voice** How you doin'? Irrational? IDK. Watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta has refueled this particular one. Lord, help me to overcome. LOL
5. Once married men turn into control freaks – I know many a married man who wants to tell their wife when and where she can breathe. . .and they do it. Um. . .no. I am an easy going girl, I need an easy going guy. I will allow a man to be a man, just allow me to be. . .free.
4. I may change my mind – I know this is the craziest one but I have track record of losing interest in things and marriage is forever. Forever, ever? I had a cat once and the thing was soo smelly, I kicked it out of the house. It wandered into the parking lot and got hit by car. Can you see where I am going with this?
3. All men want is sex, sex, and more sex – This can't fly. I am a Christian that actually practices celibacy – for really, real. I always fear that a guy won't be interested in relationship where there is no nookie. I am not sure if this one is rational or irrational.
2. A man is supposed to find me – Lord, the perils of COGIC upbringing. Whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good thing and obtaineth favor of the Lord Proverbs 18:22. This scripture was always recited as an admonishment not to look for a man. You are supposed to let a man find you. This presents quite a conundrum for the single girl.
1. I am meant to be alone – When I was a little girl, I wanted to become a nun. No, really, I did but I was not Catholic. I thought I would dedicate my life to serving God and remain a virgin for life. Well that one did not pan out. Sometimes I think God (who according to my COGIC upbringing is a jealous God) wants me for Himself. I mean, really, who can compare to the Almighty. Or maybe it's like any father, He wants only the best for me. No ordinary, jack leg (my momma's phrase) will do. Maybe I am not meant to be alone but I meant to wait on God.
