The thought of the road not taken can haunt you unendingly without resolution. Just this constantly nagging, what if?
If you need to catch up, read this.
Long story short, I very rudely chose the very wrong guy over a very special friend. Said friend never spoke to me again for years.
I revisited the “what if” conundrum yesterday via FaceBook chat. Social Networking is a blessing and a curse. It’s even worse than email, I think.
So after a few lines of small chat, he jumps back into the, “What’s the guy’s name you pushed me away for?” So, I made a joke about having selective amnesia and tried to move forward. He kept at it. So I just wrote that if it made him feel any better that I really regret doing that. Technically, that is an apology, right?
One thing I am happy about is that I got to officially apologize for a situation though 10 years prior had obviously hurt a good friend’s feelings, so much so, he still brings it up after 10 years. I am such a nice person, too. Ah , the crazy things love can make you do! It is TOTALLY irrational.
There is time and distance between us and only memories of some good times that connect us. So, in the end, he is still around and not the guy I dissed him for, even if its’ only in the capacity of a friend.
I have come to the conclusion that where I am is the only place I can be. All things are working together for my good. And the road not taken is an illusion that no longer exists. What may or may not develop by this reconnection is supposed to happen exactly the way it will. No more looking back, I am ready to go forward.
I became so frustrated with the lack of quality stories on TV and in the theater that I began to write again. I stayed at it and fully edited the first half of my novel. I began to fall in love with the characters again.
I think i know how I want the story to end. I need a little help from the few readers that still follow. If you had a choice between the man you have always wanted but who had not always wanted you and something totally new (but all good so far) What choice would you make and why?
I wrote a first version of the ending and I was hesitant to let the character have it all. So I ended it two ways – one in which she does not get the guy of her dreams and one in which there is a cliff hanger. Someone told me, "Hey this is your story, why can't the girl have happily ever after." The truth is I do not know a lot of happily ever afters.
Could I create one? Would it be worth the read?
Ugh!!! Now you see my dilemma.
I will NOT disclose my age but as a point of reference I saw Waiting To Exhale in high school. I remember thinking to myself, "God don't let me end up like these women – 30, single and desperate."
Fast forward to now, I am watching Let's Talk About Pep, I am thinking, "God' don't let me end up like these women – late 30s, single, and desperate." lol
Where has the time gone? Who told me that I had to reach my goals before finding love? Where did I learn to be so afraid to take a chance?
Ugh. Have I become one of THOSE women?
I tell you if one more birthday passes in singledom, I am joining a convent.
It would be just my luck to take my vow of celibacy and then meet the man of my dreams while helping orphans in Haiti.
*sidenote* I am not a nun but I do feel I have taken a vow of celibacy. lol
Remember I wrote about making the wrong choice between two guys and I made the wrong choice. Well, the guy I did not choose has resurfaced. I am stuck wondering is this a sign or wishful thinking?
*sidenote #2* I am falling behind on my resolution to get out more. I did attend a networking event last week but that's not the same as being social. IMO
Proclamation: This is the year I fall in love!
in the speed of the internet.
A friend posted a question concerning an "anonymous" person but she gave some details that anyone who has seen this girl can probably figure out who she is speaking of.
Ok. So she poses the question, why do women over 30 do ANYTHING to get and keep a man. She then goes on to explain how this woman has been sleeping with a dude with a live in girlfriend of six years. He has given her twp STDs and made her have an abortion. He only sees her twice in the week for maybe 4 hrs. (Here's the kicker) The girl has a physical deformity. Her hands are malformed.
OK. You have just identified this person. LOL
This is why I blog. Most people on FB don't know my blog exists. I go through great pains to keep my situations as abstract as possible. (As to protect the innocent, and not so innocent. LOL)
I just wrote that this girl needs prayer and maybe professional counseling. Strongholds exists. Some may call them addictions. You can be addicted to food, drugs, drama, and even people.
I know for a fact prayer, seeking God, and fasting can break any stronghold. Sometimes you need professional help as well.
Who hasn't been a fool for love? As Lisa Fischer sang, "A fool for love, is a fool for pain and I refuse to love you again."