I have never been a sad-faced depressed gal around V-Day but this one was bit difficult. I got up early to catch the morning service. I got in my car even drove around the block but the fog was so heavy I could barely see in front of me. So, I grab breakfast and headed home.
Took a nap and tried again at eleven o'clock. I sat in service without really feeling I was there. Maybe I should have gone to The Potter's House.
Anyway, I think I am still reeling from news that my friend from high school died. This is the same friend who was helping me with my book. Well, she took her own life. I found this out via a direct message on Facebook. This is the same friend who I reconnected with maybe a year and a half-ago. According to her sister, whom the message came from, she was battling depression.
It's weird because right around the time she must have done this. I spoked to her on the phone and she sounded distant, really distant. I just told her that I was checking in on her and hoped she was okay. She said, thanks for checking in on me. That was really it.
I did not know who to tell because my mom was still getting over the loss of her two friends from last year. I did not want to keep being the bearer of bad news.
I, finally told my mom. Who just said, "Baby, I know how you feel." She also told me that it is good to talk to people and not carry around things inside.
Initially, I was hurt, then confused and then slightly angry at her and myself. Why did I not pick up on something deeper when I spoke to her? Then I felt the Lord give me peace. I don't know how to explain it. It's odd when we fight for life and someone else gives up. I am not judging her, just sorry it happened.
I feel better writing about it – freer.
I am grateful that my family is alive and safe. I am grateful for the friends I do have. I am grateful for the knowledge of God through Christ. It has helped me in many difficult times, such as now.