Category Archives: Family

Great Expectations Parte Deux

I love my blog.

It gives me the ability to peer back into my life to the date and time and really SEE how God works things out for me.

Peep this, on 11/08/10 I wrote a post entitled Great Expectations. In said post, I stated what I expected from God and what I think God expects from me – faithfulness. God is ever faithful, I am the one who continuously falls short. Well in this post I also ask God for a new job with great benefits and 1 year nearly to the DAY, I started a new job with GREAT benefits.

*In my Joey Lawrence voice* Whoa!

Ugh! Deja vu all over again!

Here I am with a list of desires from God and my second week in a row not being faithful – in worship, in giving.

Thank God for Jesus – His grace is sufficient for someone imperfect like me.

What I expect from God is His continued grace and mercy for me and my family, an amazing husband prefaced by a serendipitous encounter (*insider*), great friends, and my family together with me again. I want my business and book to be a great success bigger than my wildest dreams. After all, I am ready!

Hopealive

Now that is a whopper of a list but God created the universe surely he can handle my little world.

P.S. I am really excited now.

Thanks to all of my blog readers, even when you dont comment. I know you are there.

Home Is Where Everyone Knows Your Name

I am feeling soo homesick right about now. I am so grateful to God that I am able to visit home. I have already purchased my plane tickets. Praying for traveling grace and great weather.

I wonder how long I will have to be employed at my current job before I am able to transfer. I am just not feeling Dallas anymore.

I could blame outside forces but it's really just me. Nothing here has a hold on me. Maybe I'll feel better when I visit home.

When I first moved here, I would visit home and could not WAIT to get back to Dallas. Now, I just feel I am missing something core from my life. I just do not want to move for the sake of having something new to do. Perhaps it is best to sit still and listen.

God knows and I pray that he will lead me in the right direction but I am truly open to what HE has in store for me.

Uncertainty and Moving Forward

I am always attempting to predict the future. I put off things I really want to do afraid that once I commit something in my situation will change and I won't be able to follow through.

The big questions of my life have centered around employment and where to live. I am fairly convinced that God has me in Dallas but employment – still a conundrum.

The irony is I am still in relatively the same place after 4 years, no big life changes yet. So why do I let this uncertainty stop my plans?

OAN: This girl from undergrad moved to Texas around the same time that I did. She was really nice and helped me navigate my new city.

I remember this one particular drive, she lamented being single. She mentioned a mutual friend of ours who was married and at the time pregnant with her first child. During our drive she said aloud that she really wanted that – a husband and family. I am so bad because I remember thinking – poor girl may not ever happen. I guess I was a bit jaded about that stuff then.

Fast forward and she is married and just had a beautiful baby boy. I was on the book of the face and looking at pictures of the tiny tot. On one hand, I was super excited and happy for her and on another I was kinda bummed out by me. I thought God am I remedial? Why am I not moving forward?

Maybe it's the doubt and uncertainty that causes me not to commit to anything or even say yes when a guy asks me out. IDK. I know the money thing always throws me for a loop. I need to make more money so I am always trying to find a better gig. This leads to more uncertainty. Ugh!

I wish one of my readers was a psychologist because I really need to figure this thing out, preferably, before age forty.

An Organized House Equals An Organized Mind

For weeks I have been discombobulated. Yes, I have actually found context in which to use the word discombobulated.

I have been fretting over decisions about work, love, life!  As I stared discontent into space, I noticed the boxes still packed from my January move and thought – enough.

Hope 

I spent the entire weekend organizing my room from the closet to the jewelry on my dresser. I can truthfully say that as I threw away trash and placed things in their proper place, my mind cleared.

I still have the rest of the house to go but my room is where I rest and recuperate.

Without focusing on the mess, I could see my own feelings clearer and why I felt a certain way about things. What I have learned:

1. It isn't Dallas that is making me anxious it's being/feeling lonely.

2. I am feeling lonely because I have not visited home in over a year, yikes!

3. I am feeling very disconnected with friends. One moved back to KC and others have other stuff going on I guess.

4. People MAKE time for the things and people that are important to them. *see above*

5. I need to date. Like for real.

6. I need to control my diet better and exercise more routinely.

6. I need to re-focus on my dreams and what brought me to Dallas in the first place.

All of this time, I have been bamboozled into thinking that I was frustrated with Dallas and needed to move. I am not ruling out a move if the opportunity presents itself but I have started to build a network here. I am not ready to forfeit just yet.

. . .and YES I have found context in which to use the word bamboozled! lol

Operation: Make It Happen

Dreams: Future teaser or false impression.

I moved to Dallas on a high note; good job, good finances, great expectations. Now it has been four years and what a roller coaster ride. Not that I expected a bed of roses or anything but I did expect a bed with some good pillows.

Maybe that is part of the problem – I'm still dreaming.

I met a friend at work. She is part of Mission: Get Out and Mingle. We both moved here to Dallas from different states – she 4 months, I four years. We both decided that we need a concrete divine intervention. A sign of sorts to let us know if we are meant to be here or go home.

I keep having dreams of my family in a big house and I am there. The unclear part of the dream is whether I am living there or visiting. The clear part, my family is together and happy. The part of me that wants to go home is the big lonely part. The part of me that wants to stay is the hopeful, little dreamer. Another part somewhere in my spirit tucked between the other two feels that if I move home, it would be a big failure.

I came to Dallas for a change, to write my book, and make a name for me. I think I started out great but financially I am not where I planned. Took too long to find a great job that would finance my future. Maybe I am still thinking in the box or still lying in bed.

Rainbow_illusion 

Anyway we – me and my friend – have set a date: April 26th. Why? It is her birthday and for me it is a totally random way of asking God to step in for me. Why ask God? Because the just shall live by faith.

Either way, we have got to make it happen.

While I Was Absent. . .

. . .some exciting things have happened.

My mom got married!!!!! I flew to Chicago, was her maid of honor, and sang at the wedding!!!

God is good.

Everything was so perfect. My mom was simply radiant. I don't think I have ever seen her that happy.

I have a few weeks left at my internship. Until then, I am actively seeking employment.

No new developments in the love life (or lack thereof), but I'm chilling.

What's been up with you guys?