That title will make sense if you continue reading.
I had an epiphany during a girls weekend to celebrate my best friend's birthday.
I have finally accepted that I am a full grown woman. Technically, I have been 'grown' for over a decade. Inside, however, I still felt like a 13 year old still trying to figure things out. OMG, thirteen is such an awkward age. You are on the cusp of womanhood but no one wants to acknowledge that fact. The budding breasts, the first period are not welcomed and celebrated. They are feared.
For me, my mother was afraid of teenage pregnancy. She felt that my womaness was a sign of the inevitable fall. Somehow I would discover the forbidden fruit called 'sex' and my life would unravel. The more she projected these fears toward me, the more distant I felt from her. It was like she did not know the real me. Although, young I was an intellectual. I remember ditching school one day to hang out at the Harold Washington Library. I was a N.E.R.D. ALL CAPS like a Kanye twitter-rant. When I did have questions about dating, I knew I could not ask her.
So, I stumbled though it.
During a discussion over this weekend, I learned that we grown accomplished women all shared this clumsy walk into womanhood.
Oddly, enough I think I have it now. I am a grown woman. I make my own decisions. I am responsible for my own behavior. This means there are no excuses for my behavior. I own it all from this day forward. Being a grown woman is so liberating. It is okay to be fun, flirty or dare I type it. . .sexy. *insert gasps* *church lady faints*.
My friend gives me a picture back from my freshman year in undergrad. I looked like an old church lady. My friend jokes, 'Yeah, you look like you were on your way to a missions trip.' To top it all off, I had this super-thick moustache. #ugh.org. I was so serious back then. People who know me now as the joking, laughing girl would be shocked at the shy girl in that old photo.
Years. Maturity, Acceptance. Freedom.
Sunday, I am walking through the grocery store when a woman walks up to me and says, 'Hello sista, looking like the black Marilyn Monroe.' I literally, lol. I was not wearing anything unusual or provocative. Actually my long, flowy dress was to my ankles I think she just sensed it, too.
I am grown woman.