“Be mindful of how you leave,” a stranger posted in a Facebook group in response to someone who had just purchased a home and wondered if she should pay her last month’s rent. Many years ago, I worked at a bank. The teller called in and quit, no notice, only to come back a few weeks later and ask to have her job back. The manager said no and added, “Never burn your bridges.”
I recall telling my ex that I was thinking of moving back to Dallas. I did not owe him an explanation but I wanted to have a “good” bye. He became angry and told me that if I made the move, not to expect any help from him. Then, he stormed out of my apartment like the villain in a Tyler Perry movie. Ironically, his outburst only made me more determined.
If a relationship ends, it just means that you are no longer sharing the same path. It does not negate all of the good that occurred. Breaking bad makes it difficult to salvage any future benefit. Life is cyclical. Sometimes you pass the same tree twice, once on your way out and then coming back. Imagine getting lost because you cut down the tree as if you would never need to cross that path again.
There is another school of thought. It includes a clapback, a telling-off, a burning of bridges. You may feel empowered by that course of action. It’s just not my style.
- Always say goodbye. The word ‘goodbye” is derived from the phrase, “God be with ye.” It is wishing someone well although your journey together has ended.
- Always give a two-weeks notice. Tie up loose ends, close out projects. Leave guidance for your replacement.
- Break good. There is no need to get even. A pure heart is open to all of the blessings and promises of God.
There is a graceful art to leaving, like serging the edge of fabric to keep it from fraying. It’s an extra step that keeps the framework intact. Keep your heart pure and your integrity unscathed. You are not judged by how others treat you but how you treat others. Never let anyone’s negativity change who you are. That way you show up as your full glorious self at the next destination.
What if we told the truth?
“I like you but I think you make dumb decisions. Are we still gonna be friends or what?”
“I wish you were someone else but you’re here so do you still wanna be my boyfriend or not?”
We are all liars to some degree.
To tell the truth is risky. To bare one’s soul and risk being judged, being left, being seen.
For who we really are.
Who are we? Beings holding on too tight to relationships that tear us, break us. Bleeding not to be alone.
Truth is, alone is where God wants us – sometimes.
It is the only place where he can speak through burning bushes, on quiet mountainsides. Destiny is foretold in isolation.
Truth be told. I am growing tired of the silence. I cannot stand the noise. Perhaps, I need to climb higher or sit and be still.
Does He know that I am listening, intently?
Am I telling the truth?
I burned my right index finger Monday night attempting to turn chicken with a short fork. I reached into the oven just a little to deep a YOWZAA! My index finger has a grill mark.
I immediately put a cube of ice on it and the pain subsided but as soon as the thing melted the pain rebounded. I started looking for a quick remedy. I slathered antibiotic ointment on it. That made it worse. I got another cube of ice and the ointment congealed. I was in a bigger mess trying to avoid the pain of my little mistake in judgement. Note to self: always use a long fork when testing food in the oven. It's like cooking 101.
Finally, I just lay in bed. I began to try a mind over matter approach. I thought intensely about another part of my hand. It worked temporarily but I kept reverting to my darn finger. It was not the worse pain I had ever felt but geez did it hurt. Noting the futility of my efforts to minimize my suffering, I had new thought – just ride it out. I reasoned that the pain could only last a few minutes or maybe even an hour. I knew for certain that it would not last forever.
A funny thing happened. I went to sleep.
The next morning I hardly remembered the burn on my hand. I saw the scar – a reminder not to do something so stupid again – but the pain was gone.
Pain is our body's response to trauma. The nerves fire off intensely warning you to stop what you are doing. As my skin touched the heated metal coil my hand instantaneously jerked back. My body's instinct kicked in to protect me.
God has equipped us physically to avoid the damaging things that cause us pain. It will come. Loss, heartache and disappointment are a part of life. Pain is inevitable. You can lament your fate or evaluate the root cause and learn the lesson. Avoidance only leads to chaos. Numbing it with substance abuse or other quick fixes leads to worsening of the initial condition. Ride the wave.. No matter how high the crest, waves always crash. Pain does not last forever.
Standing in the sun outside of my office. I realized the heat is necessary. I closed my eyes and let the sun sink into my pores. I needed a vitamin D mood boost. The scar on my finger is shiny and brown. I have learned the lesson and the pain is gone.
I am ambivalent about texting. I understand it is a quick, truncated form of communication. You can deliver your message in seconds – no ring, no voicemail, no unnecessary repartee. I just cannot get jiggy with it.
I am a woman in love with words. I am also an observer of people. There is no observation in a text. If you are face-to-face with someone, you know if they are interested in what you are saying, just being nice, or totally not into you. Even if you hold an actual conversation over the phone, you can hear inflection of the voice, pausing and other cues to let you know the true meaning behind the words. Let us face facts – people are not always honest. There are hard core liars and polite deceivers. How can you decipher which is which from a text?
Or maybe I am just not hip to the rules. I was bombarded with questions about me texting with a guy – Who texted first? How long did you wait to respond? And many more leaving me confused.
I thought it polite to respond to a text message after you read it. Apparently, responding too soon is a sign of thirst, i.e., desperation. Here I was thinking I was being polite. Is text messaging the new way of getting to know someone? Or is it a nice guy's way of brushing you off? Heck, I don't know.
Perusing the web, I found the queen of etiquette Emily Post has a website and yes there is an article on text messaging etiquette. I learned something new. Like an email, you can never bee sure when someone will read the text so don't freak out if you don't get an immediate response. It is indeed polite to respond to a message soon after receiving it.
It is nearing the end of day 3. I have baked a pie. I spent hours in a texting conversation. I am running out of activities and people to call. My eyebrows have reached Ernie status.
Officially stir crazy. I must get out.
Earlier today, I cracked the iced shell encassing my car and ventured around the corner to the 7 Eleven. Literally 3 turns into the parking lot from my parking lot. This is what I find:
Is this the end? Will I have to wrestle this 300 lbs guy for the last of the Slim Jims?
Certainly not. I eek back home at 10 miles per hour. The streets are still slushy and my tires slide.
I am in my living room once again. My mind is running wild. What to do? What to do?
How do the caterpillars do it? They change! Metamorphosis they call it. As the cocoon encapsulates the caterpillar, does she feel fear? The process will essentially dissolve the former being, processes take place, and a butterfly emerges. Does the caterpillar know then end from the beginning or does she just change?
You see what being in the house three days does to you? It makes you think about butterflies. . .and Slim Jims.
I am laughing at myself as I write this. I perused my last few blog posts and they are about gardening and rice pillows. When I started this blogged, I wrote posts about my new and exciting experiences in Dallas. Being new to the town, everything I experienced was new and, yes, exciting.
So my problem de jour is that I no longer do anything new and/or exciting. I remember when I had my resolution to do something social twice a month. It was a good thought at least.
I am gonna give it another go. New and exciting things for me and then you – my readers.
I did try a new church today. The jury is still out. I think I need to visit a bible study.
I am a natural girl. I AM a natural girl. I AM A NATURAL GIRL. . .but I have a confession to make. On Saturday night, I wore a wig out to an event. I am talking a big, bouncy curly Beyonce-esque wig.
I LOVED IT. lol
Granted it was a pretty benign event. Not a real opportunity to whip my hair back and forth but I did get a wobble, wobble in.
Before the big wig event, I took my wig on a trial run. I wore it to work on Friday. I got some pretty good feedback and boost of confidence.
It is a little peculiar how changing one aspect of your appearance can affect the totality of your look. I swear that hair took fifteen pounds off.
My new hair is a keeper. The hair gave me a pass to be a newer me. In return, I named it Carmen.
I really cannot stand when I visit my favorite blogs and there has not been any updates in like FOREVER! Do you guys feel that way about me. lol *hangs head and walks away*
I really need some exciting things to occur in my life that are blog worthy. Sure I could make a great list of things that did NOT happen to me. Like, I did not get abducted by aliens but where would that get us.
Kelly Rowland covered Marie Claire UK.
*Back to regularly scheduled programming*
I am going home for Christmas. Which is good news cause this cold is giving me the winter blues. Hoping for good weather and safe travels.
I am still loving the new gig though.
Need to find a pretty dress for a jazz social this weekend. I want something sparkly.
That pretty much sums up my week. I know my life is soooooo exciting right now. lol Hey but I am grateful to be alive *smiles*
Ever wonder when you should be that nice person to point out something or when you should mind your own business and walk away. Well, I have a guide, lol.
1. The Gold Toofus – Sorry I was watching Martin reruns and that Gerome never gets old. I know someone with a big gold tooth right in the front of her mouth and every time she smiles, I hear *TING*. Like a little bell goes off in my head. It's too bad because she is really pretty. I know someone else with two gold caps on her incisors. They are not shiny and I hear no *TING* At times like these, I just walk away. SMH
2. The Uda, Buda, and Cuda – The three sisters will tell on you. Ever know of someone who tells you that they have an alternative deodorant or hygience routine that they swear by and then the wind blows. Just walk away!
3. The Boogie – I will tell a friend mid-convo if they have a visitor and I would expect the same treatment. Sometimes there is that awkward moment, when you don't see it until some time has passed and the conversation has gotten deep. Then you feel weird about bringing it up because you know that person is gonna be like, what took you so long. Too avoid such discomfort, just walk away.
4. The Significant Other. . .of Another - Ever meet a friend's S.O. and the friend is so excited but the S.O. is a total jerk, weirdo or psycho felon? Anyone? Anyone besides me? A.W.K.W.A.R.D. Find safety first and then walk away!
5. The Unqualified Advice Giver – These people love to interrupt quality conversations with what they THINK you should do. You ask them have they tried whatever advice that they are dishing out and off course *crickets* BUT they swear by it. After all, they saw it on Ricky Lake once. lol At times like these, I like to speak up but usually these types do not back down. If that ever turns out to be the case. Just walk away.
What about you guys? At what times do you speak up and when do you just walk away?
I was over at Very Smart Brothas and ran across a post entitled, "Building the Perfect Woman." I won't go into the ridiculousness that men consider "perfect" on a woman. Suffice it to say, if it were left up to men, women would be a conglomeration of double d's, a big butt and a smile.
The post did get me to thinking about the perfect man. This topic is right on time considering the fact that me and my friend spent yesterday discussing our "lists". The "LIST" consists of the qualities we want in our future husbands.
So making a list and checking it twice. To make it fun, I'll use celebrities. Here we go (No particular order):
1. Intelligence like President Barack Obama.
2. Smile like Laz Alonso.
3. Eyes like Omar Epps.
4. Heart like Dr. Daniel Hale Williams.
5. Character: A man after God's own heart
6. Body like *inside my own head* lol Too many to choose from.
7. Enterprising like Michael Lee Chin
8. And swagger like DENZEL!!!!!
Build your man in the comments.