Category: Men

With God, Are You All In?

Published on by Super Nerdy Church Girl2 Comments

This is the question in a new series we are tackling with the young adult ministry at church. It is really coming at a pivotal time in my life when I am considering the next stage – relationship, marriage and kids. No, I am not exclusively dating anyone but the thought has crossed my mind on a few occasions.

The major problem with single Christians dating is the issue of celibacy. Please believe me it is an issue. It is not a requirement for a lot of people who say they are Christian, in fact, it is not even expected.

In this series, we are using Chip Ingram's, "Living in the Edge: Dare to Experience True Spirituality." The book is accompanied by video lessons and includes questions, fill-in-the-blanks, and thoughts to ponder throughout the week. This week's thought – in Christ, are you all in? If not, what is holding you back?

I am sitting in service feeling extra transparent. lol Truth be told, I thought I was all in. When you are a single Christian woman and a man enters the picture, you are faced with this whole celibacy issue.It does not help, if the guy of interest, is not that dedicated to his celibacy. I know that I am an attractive girl but I also want to be clear about expectations.We – both he and I – are human.

This series is a bitter pill to swallow but correct and necessary. I already know this. The only issue that arises for me is the fear of being rejected and single for an extended period of time. Am I always afraid? No. Most times I am straight chillin'. The fear tends to creep up around the same time as my birthday. It does not help when family and friends start to question your singleness – meaning your choices and standards.

I get it all of the time. Your standards are too high. "At your age" *insert lowered expectations*. This
is equates to pressure. I am not looking for perfection because I am not perfect but can you try, really try, to be what you are claiming to be?

Another prayer this week in the series is, "Lord help me to see you as you really are."

Who is God? He is someone who loves you unconditionally and wants the very best for your life. If I truly believe that God loves me and wants what is best for me, then I have no need to fear. Fear makes you accept the 'good enough' instead of 'the best'. Celibacy while single is God's best. The hard truth is a man who does not respect that is not God's best.

 Another lesson learned.

 

Fear and Love: The Push and the Pull

Published on by Super Nerdy Church GirlLeave a comment

In marketing (and logistics) there is a phenomenon known as the push and pull system. It describes the movement of product between two subjects. In push demand, suppliers can predict demand and supplies product accordingly. In pull demand, the consumers have a need and demand the products and services to fulfill that need.

Bored yet?

Well guys, I am talking about love – the demand or need for it. A poignant line in the movie, "The Color Purple," the character Shug Avery states, "Us sing and dance and holler just trying to be loved."

So true Shug, so true.

Sometimes the more you do to be loved, the more love alludes you. I have seen this push/pull effect in so many relationships.

The Push – I see that you are in need of love and I determine that I am going to be that for you, regardless, of your affections/behavior toward me.

The Pull – I want this but I am fearful that time or some other factor will keep me from it. In fear, I try to force the relationship to go where I want it to go.

What is driving these processes? What causes otherwise rational beings to behave so irrationally when it comes to relationships? It is fear. Fear is the saboteur of love. The Bible declares that:

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." I John 4:18

 

The Pull/Push system assumes love to be the product exchanged between
two people. Love is the process itself. It is the continuous exchange. I
heard it described by Pastor Tony Evans as passionately and righteously
pursuing the well-being of another. W.O.W.

Love is not the reward or goal. It is the pursuit.

 

 

Devon Franklin Unashamed To Admit His 10 Year Celibacy

Published on by Super Nerdy Church GirlLeave a comment

Being a celibate Christian is not crazy, it is the sanest, most incredible gift that you can give to yourself.

I was preusing the internet as I am want to do and I came across a video discussing my favorite Christian couple – Meagan Good and Devon Franklin. Mr. Franklin reveals that he had been a celibate Christian for over ten years! (Join the club!) What followed were a bunch of negative comments about this man for actually, unashamedly, proclaiming that God was able to keep him until marriage.

 

His experience is not unique. The world has become so twisted that promiscuity is promoted while celibacy is abased. I think the stigma is harder for men. You always run the risk of being labeled soft. Women can often times feel pressure to be that seductive vamp that men drool over in music videos. The Proverbs 31 virtuous woman is viewed as a relic of old time values. Even some Christians believe that you cannot date and be celibate.

I can tell you from experience that this is a lie from the very pit of hell. I cannot begin to tell you how being celibate, even through the most trying temptations, has kept me from so many pitfalls the enemy had set for me. My mother told me recently, if you mean to do right, God will always reveal the truth, protect and watch over you.

Perhaps you have never heard that you are valuable. That your existence was planned before the foundation of the world. No one may have ever told you that you are beautiful and that you are worth the wait.

Well, I just did.

I am not speaking of myself. I am speaking from truths I have learned over years in my Christian walk. The chief being – God loves me.

Yes, folk. The creator of the universe loves me. He loves the imperfect, sometimes contradictory, me. He loves you, too. If you meditate on this truth, I mean really know it experientially, you will never give yourself away in a an ungodly way. You are just too precious.

Do you believe it? Well, here's the proof:

"For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— 8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:6-8

Wow!

Why Would Anyone Want To Marry You?

Published on by Super Nerdy Church GirlLeave a comment

The idea of marriage and finding the man of destiny that God has chosen for us, is a revisited conversation topic for me and my single friends. In fact, yesterday, I had quite an interesting conversation, in which a friend said that marriage is not your ministry when I have heard the message preach that marriage is exactly that – a ministry. Given the current environment of conflicting ideas and expectations, I was unexpectedly challenged in my idea of what a marriage mate is by an article someone posted on Facebook from Relevant Magazine, "You Never Marry the Right Person."

Yes, sometimes Facebook actually yields something thought provoking.

The gist of the article is that we expect too much from another person. We want someone to be perfect and fulfill our emotional/sensual needs while never expecting much from us in return. That person should just be perfect while accepting our crusty flawed selves. Yes, I mean crusty.

Another idea posed in the article is that it is impossible to find the perfect mate because marriage fundamentally changes who were are. When you enter into a marriage, you are learning to love a new person and therin lies the rub. 

I was talking to a guy and he was detailing what he expects/likes in a woman. What he wants is not unrealistic but did have a tinge of I want you to be more wholesome than I have to be. Having just watched an old Eddie Murphy stand up, I shied away from the knee-jerk reaction to snap my fingers and roll my neck all the while yelling, "and what about you?!" lol

The author of the article actually articulates in an analogous to the Bible sort of way how we need to love like Christ loves us. We are epically flawed yet eternally loved in Christ, right? Why cannot we love another flawed individual without the expectation of perfection on their part and not ours?

Interesting idea, no?

 

 

In Dating – I Want A Little Magic

Published on by Super Nerdy Church GirlLeave a comment

A chance encounter. A fateful event. Something to indicate that we (whoever that other part of we is) are destined to be. Is that crazy?

Don't answer that.

A friend of mine jokes that I am like the character Sara Thomas in the movie Serendipity. She is all like, Felicia, the stars have to align and the heavens open as sign that he (whoever that he is) is the one. Ok, really? I get her point. I am not so delusional as to think the stars will literally align and the sun shine down on the forehead of my intended but I do have to admit, I want a little magic.

I used to be really bad at the Lord-is-this-a-sign-itis. I would literally, mid-conversation- stare intently at a guy and ask – Lord is he the one. I am sure all of those guys thought I was crazy. lol Maybe I am a little bit. I mean, I was a smart kid. I paid attention in school. Completed my MBA – yada, yada, and the yada. So, I am capable of learning. Yet, no one has ever taught me how to date. I truly suck at it. I always, always, always get my signals crossed. If I project friendship, I get love letters. If I project interest, I get the "you're the bomb.com" line from Just Wright.

Serendipity

I blame my mother! lol Isn't easy just to blame our parent(s). I distinctly remember a guy that would come by and visit me when I was like fifteen or something. It was so very benign. We would sit on my front porch and chat. Well, one day my mom was out there and this guy gets the courage to ask my mom if he could take me to the movies. To which, my mom replies, "I don't think she is ready for that." Point. Blank. Period.

I was MORTIFIED. So much so that I told him he should probably stop coming around. Overreacted much? You betcha. I have always been a bit emotional but the guy I did end up with, never asked her squat. He just would sneak around when she was at work.

Parents, smh.

Fast forward today and I am still mentally on that porch waiting. Wow, that was like the saddest line I have ever written, lol. I have to get off of the stupid porch, for heavens sake! But, how? Be more practical, I guess.

I am not saying that I am growing cynical;  maybe a little more, dare I say it, practical. Even as I type this, I still hope – just a bit – for a little magic.

Think I Will Buy A Cat and Call Her Fe-Fe

Published on by Super Nerdy Church Girl4 Comments

I went to Beamers with a friend. It was supposed to be this great buffet for $5.00. It ended up being a camouflaged club but I had on a cute dress and high heels so I was gonna make the best of it.

#underwhelmed

The music was too loud, the people  a little too extra. Chris Rock has a standup bit in which he states he got married so that he would not be the old man in the club, not really old, just too old to be in the club. O. M. Bananas there were so many old men there. I just kept willing myself to enjoy myself but the whole environment was making me uncomfortable.

 My coworker later lamented that I kept saying no to every guy that approached me. As soon as I sit down, this guy offers to but me a drink. He proceeds to go get one after I politely declined. I end up giving it to my friend's cousin. This other guy practically begged me to dance and I simple stated no thank you like a million times. He had a nice smile but he seemed like he had lived half his life in a club, starting out when they used to be called juke joints. 

I know I am just a church girl who just does not fit in in those type of environments no matter how I try. I just kept thinking that what I want/need is definitely not sitting in here.

Catwhite

So, why did I even go? I just wanted to experience what others were telling me was the place to meet and mingle. It seemed benign enough from their descriptions. I wanted to silence the audible fears that others were blaring at me.

'Felicia, you have to get out and meet people."

"Felicia, there isn't a perfect man out there."

"Felicia, you have to compromise."

Argh!! Felicia has had enough.

This weekend, I will visit a pet store or rescue shelter. I am going cat shopping. I want something in all white. I will name her Fe-fe.

 

What Is It With Men and Cars?

Published on by Super Nerdy Church GirlLeave a comment

Why do men love cars so much? Is it the speed, the shiny paint job? Maybe its the fact that they can tinker with it for hours, never quite fix anything but still feel good about their performance?

Yeah, I don't know either.

I had to go do the whole oil change, inspection sticker thing today. I always go to the same shop because they never try to sell me the line that I need a million other things done and the mechanic is super cute.

So I get there, and super cute mechanic dude is nowhere to be found. Just my luck, I think to myself. I decide to use my time to transcribe some recordings for my article. I am a few minutes in and super cute mechanic walks in. He is all smiles per usual and asks about what I am doing. It's extra cute because he gets all nervous and says, "Are you doing school work for your job?" He laughs and clears it up and a conversation ensues. He asks about where I went to school and I hesitate a minute. I hate this part right here. Cue Pussycat Dolls. I then go ahead and tell him where I went to undergrad/grad.

Conversation stops.

LeSigh

This always happens. When I tell a guy (African American guy) my college credentials he seems to get intimidated. Like this dude's whole demeanor changes. He starts stuttering a bit as if he is scared he may say something stupid. So, I put down my recorder and laptop and try to spark the conversation again but I can tell that the spark had dissipated.

He did, however, fix my battery terminal for free. When I asked him what did I owe, he simply smiled and said, "just make sure you have a great day."

Le sigh.

You May Imperfect to Some but Perfect for One

Published on by Super Nerdy Church GirlLeave a comment

I ran across this Youtube video and it really spoke to an experience I had gone through. One of the key components of my personality is a great sense of humor. I have the inate ability to make people smile and laugh. I have been told this too many times by too many people. I even consider it a gift. It is like don't bring your blues around me because I am gonna make you laugh by conversation's end.

So it kind of stung a bit when a guy friend basically told me that I joke too much. Mind you, I joke because this person can be such a perpetual bore. I have to crack jokes to keep from falling asleep. I seriously thought for a moment, well, maybe I should not be funny around him. One problem – I am funny and funny am I. Why should I have to change who I am fundamentally to engage in conversation with you? Maybe it is not me  whom your really want to speak.

Church? Amen!

Then I found Trent Shelton's video. Take a gander.

 

What do you think?

 

 

No Man Is An Island – The Story of My Dead Car Battery

Published on by Super Nerdy Church Girl2 Comments

Every time I plan to have an eventful weekend, God must have other plans. So, Thursday evening comes and I am on my way to knock out my laundry before the weekend because I have got big plans baby and my car will not start. No buzz, no stall, just nada. I am frantically looking around for a cause when I have to face the fact that my battery is dead. I call for Emergency Roadside Assistance and they jump me. I call a friend to talk away the 30 minutes that they want me to idle the car. I even drive around a bit. I get back to my park, turn the car off and it will not start again! I call the ERA again and the guys says well your battery is dead!

I call friend back. I am all on the phone like, what to do, what to do? When my friend (who is in another state) says, "Don't you know anyone that you can  call to help you?"

CarTrouble

"Okay, here's the the thing friend", I say to him, "I HATE asking people for help. Loathe it". He says that I need to get over that. (I don't know why the truth from someone else is so much easier to swallow) So, I call a coworker who picks me up for work the next day and drops me back off. Then, I call The Kid. I am sure you remember him but I refuse to link to any blog posts, too many people read my blog now. lol

To make a long story, less long, The Kid comes over and does the whole man versus car thing. We are in the Autozone and I start to say something when The Kid steps up and carries the conversation with the attendant. I do not know what happened (I am blaming the 90 degree heat and hormones, yep that's it) but I just thought if this is not the manliest thing. lol

I know, I need prayer. Okay pray for me but my car works and all is well again. Well, almost. I kinda stepped out of me for a minute and told The Kid something that on a normal day I would not have. I will not divulge now. I will save that for a future post entitled, "Why Am I Such A Dork?"

lol

Please comment! Thanks.

 

The Church Social or Dreaded Singles’ Event Part II

Published on by Super Nerdy Church Girl2 Comments

I was pleasantly surpised.

That pretty much summarizes my night at my church's revamped singles' night.

The difference between this and last time – I had table duties.

I got the great luxury of greeting people and explaining the process of creating a name tag, choosing a table, and getting refreshments.

Not so bad right. Well you decide.

Christian dance

There were two sets of praise and worship teams singing songs and whatnot. Great idea except now no one can hear me at the greeting table. I am shouting directions at people. People cannot engage each other in conversation. Everyone is reduced to being a spectator. I get that you want to set the tone of worship but two separate groups singing so many songs just seems like a disjointed concert.

There was a spoken word segment with one poet/rapper dude. Yep just one.

The best part of the night (and a keeper for future events) was a panel of two women and two elders answering questions from singles. I was getting some inciteful godly advice when someone asks, "What does the bible say about dating relatives?"

*crickets*

The night ended on kind of a dud with a few people being asked to give their testimonies. The idea being that we need to know what we have been through to bond or every thorn has a rose or some equally unfitting cliche. It probably would not have been so bad but these folks had gone through rape, incest, abuse, suicidal thoughts. Not really a pick-me-upper.

I stayed and helped clean up.

Positive: I did meet a few fun people. I signed up to facilitate a small group.

Not so positivie: Did not meet any potentials. Was not even sure there were any potentials there. Ratio of women to men still 80:20. Subtract the married, crazy and obviosly gay – 90:10.

Still par for the course but I have hope for the future

P.S. I was super cute! lol This goes under "Positive".