Category Archives: Relationships

I Don’t Wanna Be Joan!

My faithful readers know that I love the now defunct TV show Girlfriends. I wrote a post about. Like to read it? Here it go.

Well, someone today compared me to the main character Joan Clayton and not in a good way. This person – who shall go unnamed because she does not want to be mentioned on my blog – said that, like Joan, I was beautiful, successful, and possessed the inability to find a man due to my unrealistic standards and overall craziness. Can you believe that?

Arnold

I am totally capable of self-analysis and I can admit that I can be a bit dramatic at times but I do not believe I have unrealistic standards.

Okay, truth moment, I do need a lot of attention. I expect a guy who wants me to really show it. I want to come first. I want him to be God-fearing  diseased free, heterosexual, intellectual, financially responsible, over-the- moon about me, love-his-momma-without-being-a-mommas-boy, no-baby-momma-having, Laz Alonso look alike.

Too much?

Okay, I'll take or leave the Laz Alonso part but ugh! Why must I be antagonized for wanting something good? Does not the Bible say that no good thing will He withhold from him who walks upright?

I was watching this episode of Girlfriends on YouTube – don't judge me! In it, Joan messes over a super nice guy and a super fun guy for the exciting guy who was not all that in to her. She went too far and gave too much only to be let down in the end.  I had an epiphany. Oh gosh, I am Joan!

Is not admitting that you have a problem the first step to recovery? I am just still learning how to accept someone's imperfections without accepting less than what I deserve.

 

Don't judge me. Help me! lol

 

 

What Is It With Men and Cars?

Why do men love cars so much? Is it the speed, the shiny paint job? Maybe its the fact that they can tinker with it for hours, never quite fix anything but still feel good about their performance?

Yeah, I don't know either.

I had to go do the whole oil change, inspection sticker thing today. I always go to the same shop because they never try to sell me the line that I need a million other things done and the mechanic is super cute.

So I get there, and super cute mechanic dude is nowhere to be found. Just my luck, I think to myself. I decide to use my time to transcribe some recordings for my article. I am a few minutes in and super cute mechanic walks in. He is all smiles per usual and asks about what I am doing. It's extra cute because he gets all nervous and says, "Are you doing school work for your job?" He laughs and clears it up and a conversation ensues. He asks about where I went to school and I hesitate a minute. I hate this part right here. Cue Pussycat Dolls. I then go ahead and tell him where I went to undergrad/grad.

Conversation stops.

LeSigh

This always happens. When I tell a guy (African American guy) my college credentials he seems to get intimidated. Like this dude's whole demeanor changes. He starts stuttering a bit as if he is scared he may say something stupid. So, I put down my recorder and laptop and try to spark the conversation again but I can tell that the spark had dissipated.

He did, however, fix my battery terminal for free. When I asked him what did I owe, he simply smiled and said, "just make sure you have a great day."

Le sigh.

You May Imperfect to Some but Perfect for One

I ran across this Youtube video and it really spoke to an experience I had gone through. One of the key components of my personality is a great sense of humor. I have the inate ability to make people smile and laugh. I have been told this too many times by too many people. I even consider it a gift. It is like don't bring your blues around me because I am gonna make you laugh by conversation's end.

So it kind of stung a bit when a guy friend basically told me that I joke too much. Mind you, I joke because this person can be such a perpetual bore. I have to crack jokes to keep from falling asleep. I seriously thought for a moment, well, maybe I should not be funny around him. One problem – I am funny and funny am I. Why should I have to change who I am fundamentally to engage in conversation with you? Maybe it is not me  whom your really want to speak.

Church? Amen!

Then I found Trent Shelton's video. Take a gander.

 

What do you think?

 

 

Learning to Love Your Spouse

As part of our seemingly endless conversations about relationships, a friend mentioned the idea of marrying someone with whom you are not in love. As evidence, this friend mentioned a woman who says that she married a man because everyone else told her that he was such a "good" man. It was when their child turned two years of age that she looked up one day and realized that she loved him. Now she is head-over-heels, over-the-moon in love.

Is this even possible? Think about it. You date, court, become engaged, plan a wedding, marry and have a child all the while waiting for love to blossom. The uber romantic in me says, posh! The faithful side of me thinks that this is possible. Maybe the man/woman that God has as your destiny mate is not the cat's meow in your eyes right now.Maybe the way someone loves you can transform them from frog to prince.

Bride

There is another side of me, the cynic. The cynic thinks what if after two years and a child, you look at your wonderfully devoted husband and get the sudden urge to run out of the front door and never come back.

Extreme?

I need more evidence. Can any of you attest to this love comes after phenomenon? Please leave a comment or two.

 

Thanks.

No Man Is An Island – The Story of My Dead Car Battery

Every time I plan to have an eventful weekend, God must have other plans. So, Thursday evening comes and I am on my way to knock out my laundry before the weekend because I have got big plans baby and my car will not start. No buzz, no stall, just nada. I am frantically looking around for a cause when I have to face the fact that my battery is dead. I call for Emergency Roadside Assistance and they jump me. I call a friend to talk away the 30 minutes that they want me to idle the car. I even drive around a bit. I get back to my park, turn the car off and it will not start again! I call the ERA again and the guys says well your battery is dead!

I call friend back. I am all on the phone like, what to do, what to do? When my friend (who is in another state) says, "Don't you know anyone that you can  call to help you?"

CarTrouble

"Okay, here's the the thing friend", I say to him, "I HATE asking people for help. Loathe it". He says that I need to get over that. (I don't know why the truth from someone else is so much easier to swallow) So, I call a coworker who picks me up for work the next day and drops me back off. Then, I call The Kid. I am sure you remember him but I refuse to link to any blog posts, too many people read my blog now. lol

To make a long story, less long, The Kid comes over and does the whole man versus car thing. We are in the Autozone and I start to say something when The Kid steps up and carries the conversation with the attendant. I do not know what happened (I am blaming the 90 degree heat and hormones, yep that's it) but I just thought if this is not the manliest thing. lol

I know, I need prayer. Okay pray for me but my car works and all is well again. Well, almost. I kinda stepped out of me for a minute and told The Kid something that on a normal day I would not have. I will not divulge now. I will save that for a future post entitled, "Why Am I Such A Dork?"

lol

Please comment! Thanks.

 

Christian Celibacy – If Meagan Good Can Do It, So Can You

So Meagan Good is getting married and she has not slept with her fiancee. They plan on being together for the first time on their wedding night.

 

From what I can ascertain they have actually been dating for about a year although they have known each other a bit longer. Celibacy will make a man jump the broom fast or keep stepping quick. SN: She met her fiance while filming the movie Jumping the Broom.

Meagan_Good

Celibacy in your relationship is an act of faith. You are believing God that you are going to be married and intimacy is sacred. Put God first, fast and pray. Your first love should be God and then the love you have with your future spouse will be blessed beyond measure.

 

I know a lot of Christians falter in this area but keep trying.

Celibacy rocks!

To Chase Or Be Chased

I am at the pharmacist asking about potassium supplements the other day and the guy behind the counter starts flirting big time. We have this long drown out conversation. He is asking the whole where did you go to school, do you have any kids, joke, joke, clever repartee.

ReadySetGo

He then lets me know that he is actually the pharmcist he just did not put on the white coat. I tease him about looking so young, joke, laugh, clever repartee. Then he says, "Well you probably won't see me again. I got a promotion and I am moving to the other store."

Long story short. He introduced himself, shook my hand and. . . NOTHING!

All that time and he did not ask for my phone number. I was almost tempted to go back and hand him my card but something prevented me – maybe fear or maybe something else.

I always believe that God orchestrates things in HIS divine timing. He will give you your heart desires when your ways please HIM. (Psalms 37:4) I have had plenty of opportunities to date but something is always missing. I call it the "God Thing", the spirit telling me, this is the one. Plus, I am a girly girl and I want to be chased and not the chaser. I may run a little slow or fall so that he can catch up. lol

Much to the chagrin of a few friends (and a sister who thinks that I am too picky), I choose to wait on God for that man of destiny to desire me enough to Ready, Set, Go!

What Is A Friend?

A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

What is friendship to you?

I think my first friendship was created from a traumatic experience. It was my first day of kindergarten and I cried so hard that my mom let me stay in the Head Start room in which she was volunteering for that first day. The second day I pulled the same stunt and she basically threatened me with a spanking. So facing kindergarten or a sure butt whooping, I opted for the nonviolent alternative.

I walked so tentatively into that room. Face red from crying and this girl (I still remember her name) asked me if I wanted to color. We were friends all through grade school.

Now wasn't that easy?

I think I was raised to be too nice, too kind, too considerate. When I got older, I was shocked at the reality that most people are just not nice, kind or considerate. It took a long time for me to just accept people for exactly who they are and not expect some kind of miraculous personality transformation that would render them more like me. Vain much?

I moved to Dallas a few years ago, away from my family, church and friends – and basically had to start the whole friend making process all over again.

Friends

It has definitely been hit ot miss. Remember this story? Then there was the guy who pretended friendship but became an octopus when we were alone. What's an octopus you ask? A creature with too many hands. You will get it eventually.

Anyway, I have decided not to let the actions of others make me jaded to befriending new people but I must admit it is a struggle.

I try to do what the bible verse in my intro states – show myself friendly. I think that being friendly is often misread ESPECIALLY by guys. So fine tuning friendliness is becoming an art form.

What does it take to be my friend? Be an honest, kind, considerate person. That is not too much to ask? Is it?

The Church Social or Dreaded Singles’ Event Part II

I was pleasantly surpised.

That pretty much summarizes my night at my church's revamped singles' night.

The difference between this and last time – I had table duties.

I got the great luxury of greeting people and explaining the process of creating a name tag, choosing a table, and getting refreshments.

Not so bad right. Well you decide.

Christian dance

There were two sets of praise and worship teams singing songs and whatnot. Great idea except now no one can hear me at the greeting table. I am shouting directions at people. People cannot engage each other in conversation. Everyone is reduced to being a spectator. I get that you want to set the tone of worship but two separate groups singing so many songs just seems like a disjointed concert.

There was a spoken word segment with one poet/rapper dude. Yep just one.

The best part of the night (and a keeper for future events) was a panel of two women and two elders answering questions from singles. I was getting some inciteful godly advice when someone asks, "What does the bible say about dating relatives?"

*crickets*

The night ended on kind of a dud with a few people being asked to give their testimonies. The idea being that we need to know what we have been through to bond or every thorn has a rose or some equally unfitting cliche. It probably would not have been so bad but these folks had gone through rape, incest, abuse, suicidal thoughts. Not really a pick-me-upper.

I stayed and helped clean up.

Positive: I did meet a few fun people. I signed up to facilitate a small group.

Not so positivie: Did not meet any potentials. Was not even sure there were any potentials there. Ratio of women to men still 80:20. Subtract the married, crazy and obviosly gay – 90:10.

Still par for the course but I have hope for the future

P.S. I was super cute! lol This goes under "Positive".

Feeling Extra, Extra Single.

Someone I know is getting married. There is wedding planning discussions all the time, which I sometimes initiate and enjoy. However, this crap has me feeling extra, extra single.

Discussing this extra, extra single phenomenon with a friend. She says, "I was in a meeting and everyone had a wedding ring except 1 senior citizen, a gay guy and me!"

What the heck is going on?

I went to dinner twice – by myself.  I sat at the bar. Why? Because hostesses do not respect you when you dine alone. Now the bar is supposed to be the area where you attract attention, right? Yeah, a guy asked to borrow my salt.

Got an oil change and the guy who complimented my looks last visit, comes and sits behind me as I pay, (he always does this), walks me out and opens my car door. He is super duper cute but he DOES NOT ask me out.

This is kinda sucking big time.

Signed,

Single, black and not dating anyone yet, still. lol