Category: Health

Too Light to Be Seen

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The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1:5

SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder affects tens of millions of people. SAD is associated with the prolonged darkness of winter months. Some places experience winter up to seven months out of the year.

Can you imagine being SAD for over half the year?  Month after month looking to the sky only to find Cirrostratus clouds and gray shadows? Many people live a sad existence, when all they really need is the sun.

I dreamed once that I was in a home with a man and children. The place was dark but spotlight surrounded me wherever I walked. I was trying to get the man of the house to see that what was missing in this home was light. I tried a lamp but it was not working. I tried opening windows and pushing back drapery to no avail. In frustration, I left this home and the light followed me.

In Plato’s Symposium, the character Aristophanes introduces the concept of twin flames to describe love. The idea stems from man and woman originally existing as one being. They became arrogant and wanted to be Godlike, so the gods split them in two. Each half  craves the other half to experiences wholeness. Reveries illuminate unconscious desires. In that dream, I was desperately seeking light. I could not comprehend how someone could live in the absence of it. I tried to share my own but it was not enough.

I now understand that you cannot be the only light in a relationship; the only one planning for the future, the only one financially stable, etc. You need a companion flame. This companion love exists. It is too light to be seen, as one cannot look into the sun. You will not because its glow will surround you.

Whole 30 – Egg Roll in a Bowl

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And another one *DJ Khalid voice.

In April, I went vegan for 21 days. I lost about 13 pounds. I saw some pretty cool health benefits, such as,  no acid-reflux, better sleep, and the 13 pounds gone. The downside, I was consuming too many carbs, especially, for someone pre-diabetic. I needed a healthy eating solution but I this was not it. So, I set out to find another one.

I have been attending this boot camp that consists of HIIT weight training. The instructor/owner does this 30-day Challenge every month. I had been researching Whole 30 for nearly a year – no lie. It seemed easy to align the 30-day elimination diet, Whole 30, with the 30-day workout challenge.

I decided to spend my Sunday meal prepping as to make this journey a little easier. Below is my go at an Egg Roll in a Bowl recipe I found online and tweaked. What do you think?

1 head of cabbage

1/4 cup red onions

5-6 coves of garlic

6 green onions

2-3 tablespoons of coconut aminos

1 tablespoon of garlic chili sauce

1 tablespoon of rice wine vinegar

pepper to taste

Sauce:

1/4 cup mayo

1 tablespoon garlic chili sauce

salt to taste

Cut It Out – My Surgery

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Dave Coulier played Joe on the immensely popular sitcom Full House. He would say the  quip, “Cut it out,” while simultaneously doing the hand gestures simulating the act of cutting it out.

I am having a benign tumor removed tomorrow. It is something I noticed 8 or 9 years ago. I had started my weight loss journey and weighed myself every morning after I got out of the shower.  I remember looking in the mirror and noticing something on my back. I strained my neck as much as I could until it was clear that I was not imagining things. There was a big lump on my back.   Every doctor who looked at it said that it was just a common lipoma and I should leave it alone unless it starts to bother me.

My weight loss journey has been a roller coaster ride. An unexpected move, career anxiety, and a breakup caused a serious setback for a recovering emotional eater. I decided to really hit the gym hard and weight lift. I got a workout plan and committed. The more I worked my shoulders, that benign tumor became a literal pain. What the doctors called harmless was impeding my progress. Despite my initial fear of surgery, I made the decision to have it removed.

I was listening to a Pastor Jeffrey A. Johnson on Youtube. He told the story of an eagle who was killed by a fish. The eagle had grabbed the large fish and took flight. A storm came and the eagle began to fall. He could not let the fish go as it had become stuck in his talons. That benign fish, that should have been an easy dinner, was his downfall.

An ex, a behavior, an activity may seem benign at first. A lump that you have grown accustomed to having. This metaphorical lump is hindering your progress. Anything that keeps you from flying is a weight that you must let go. If it seems stuck to you, do like Dave and “cut it out”.

 

Running for My Life: There Are No Shortcuts

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I am about to disclose some embarrassing, slightly TMI, info to you, because I trust you.

I few weeks ago, I started jogging. I joined Black Girls Run Indianapolis, bought my Hoka shoes and officially geared up.  My trail excursions began as walk/run intervals. I have graduated into a very slow, Cecil Tortoise kind of stride. Saturday, I was feeling pretty ambitious. I decided to challenge myself. I jogged about 30 minutes nonstop, rested, and did intervals back for 30 minutes. My fellow trail-mates saluted me with a thumbs up as I passed them, one by one.  The sun was shining. I am sweating buckets. I have maybe 15 minutes left before I traverse my door’s threshold when I started feeling an uncomfortable pain down yonder.

You see, I had a pair of exercise pants that are a tad too small. I figured I could shimmy them on and make it work. I had not done laundry yet and did not want to wait for a full wash/dry cycle, so I took a shortcut.

I had a admirable goal. To become a runner for health and fitness is what I aspire to do. That is indeed formidable, right. The major problem was that my pants were too tight. During the run, the fabric started to rub my inner thighs. I started chaffing with 15 minutes left in the game.

Those were the 15 most agonizing minutes due to the friction of the fabric incessantly rubbing against my skin. The pants also kept slipping causing skin-to-skin friction as well. I had no choice but to endure it. I could have completed a laundry load and wore my good capris. But no! I was suffering because I took a shortcut.

Reminds me of life. Does not matter how good your intentions are – if your methodology is flawed, your results are going to suffer. It is three days later and I am still suffering. I am thankful for the suggestions made by my runner’s group to prevent and treat the chafing. I am slathered in diaper rash ointment as I type this. I know, TMI.

Lesson of the week: take your time and do it right. Shortcuts catch up, eventually.

Before and Afters

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Yesterday, I wore a pair of dark blue jeans that I had purchased years ago. I purchased them based on size alone. I was CERTAIN I could fit that size. I got them home only to realize that they could not go past my thighs.

#howdreadful

I passed by a full length mirror yesterday while wearing those dark blue jeans. Initially, I thought to myself, You look good girl. Next, I started to critique myself. I felt like I was not losing weight fast enough. You know how we women are. Then, I stopped and really looked at my self. My face, my arms, my legs – everything looked tighter. I began to audible thank God for the progress. I clearly remember how before those beautiful jeans hung in my closet month after month. My after, I had to wear a belt to keep them up.

#progress

It is so easy to overlook the great achievement 'progress' is. It means I had a vision, devised a plan, acted on it and I am seeing results.

If you are unhappy about where you are in life, do not fret. You are stationed at the 'before' stop. You have to decide on your destination. Pay the fare and ride it out until the end. If you start and do not give up, there is always the after.

My first visit to Dallas, I took the Amtrak. Please do not ask me why. That was like the bumpiest, longest train ride ever. There were moments when the train raced across wide expanses rocking to and fro. There were moments the locomotive inched along. There was a moment when the train actually stopped and backed up to yield to the freight trains. I knew no matter what the route, if the train stayed the course, I would reach my destination.

I am not where I want to be but I am now in a pair of jeans that I could not fit. I am jogging on trails 3 miles at a time. I am lifting weights. I spend like 2 plus hours in the gym sometimes. Baby, if that ain't progress. . .

The Woman in the Mirror

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I was looking in the mirror as I got dressed this morning and a little smile developed. As I stared at my reflection, I noticed the woman looking back at me. I noticed her chin, her smile, the contour of her eyebrows, the light around her eyes.  She looked like Felicia. Where had this woman been all of this time?

She, I, was hidden beneath extra pounds, defeat, insecurity, etc. In this move from Chicago to Dallas, getting settled, finishing my MBA, writing my book – it has been a whirlwind. I have set goals, met goals. Tried some things. Succeeded and failed. Through all of it, I had somehow forgotten this woman in the mirror. This Felicia who believed all things were possible, who had hope insurmountable.

Losing weight is more than a number on a scale. It is more than being a baddie in a red dress. It is remembering of who you are at your core. It is seeing yourself outside as you feel inside – beautiful. You are reshaping your life in your own image.

I am liking my own reflection. Every failure is a lesson. The people in my life – lessons and/or blessings. There is no room for regret, doubt, or what-ifs. For I have seen the woman in me, once forgotten, looking victorious.

You are – I am – victorious!

2014 – I Love Me and If You Knew Me, You Would, Too.

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If you have been a reader of this blog, then you know how much of a sucker I am for a sincere compliment. I love to hear great things about myself. I love putting on a flattering dress and walking that I walk. lol

I am unabashed.

I have been told that I am vain. I will not cop to that. I have just learned how to love and appreciate myself. I know I am a godly woman kept by God's grace. If I am in Christ and he is in me, how can I view myself as less than anything.

I was not always so confident. I was teased as a child, sometimes, mercilessly. I was teased for being smart, being chubby (at times), being a 'church-girl', for not being sexually active. I was teased at school by some and teased at home by siblings. It was unrelenting at times. At home, I would lock myself in the bathroom and cry because my siblings would tease me so bad. I sometimes wished I could disappear. When I opened my eyes, I was still present.  Instead of wilting away, I made a decision to be bigger. Bigger than the hateful, negative things that had been said.

God was merciful to that shy, scared girl and put people in my life who WOULD tell me great things about myself. I was told that I was smart, beautiful and that I could be anything that I wanted to be. Those words mattered so much to me then. Kind words matter so much to me now.

What was the truth?

Throughout all of that negativity, I came to know God through Christ. I learned through the bible that I am eternally loved, valued, forgiven and beautiful. I chose to believe the truth about me through the ultimate word – the WORD of God.

I do not simply receive compliments, I am also a giver. I am that friend who will always point out your best qualities. I will lift you up when you are down. I know first hand how sometimes you need to hear a good word. I remember my best friend told me that she waited to tell me that her grandmother had past because she knew I would make her feel better and she just needed to grieve a little. 🙁

Some say women are not capable of giving a genuine compliment. It must always be something like, "Ok, well she's pretty but *insert negative comment*. I was in class and heard two girls talking about the girl in front of them. The girl in front had really, long wavy hair.

One girl says, "Her hair is so pretty.'

The other girl says, "Too bad SHE ain't pretty". 

Oh the shade! Porqui, ma petit?

If you want love, give love freely. If you want positivity, be that positive influence. If you want a nice guy to tell you that you are beautiful, then BE BEAUTIFUL – inside and out.

Half-time – Where Do We Go From Here?

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The half-way point of anything can be confusing to the unfocused mind. You are not where you started but you are not quite where you would like to be. You ponder:

Is the glass half-empty? Is it half-full? Are we there yet? Are we there yet now?

What do you do?

You keep moving.

I have had many rest stops on this road to fitness. I know full well what the side of giving up looks like. I long to see that place known as the 'Finished Line'.

I look at myself at lot in the mirror. Partly due to vanity. I can cop to that. I am a woman and it comes with the territory. I looked at myself today – full-length. I curled both my arms. I noticed a change. Am I back to stopping traffic with my walk? Not yet, but I am not where I once was. I am stronger, faster, better. I am winning.

I have previously fallen into the trap of complacency. Feeling so high that I have lost a few pounds that I decrease my committment and intensity only to fall by the wayside feeling defeated. Not this time. I have an actual plan of attack.

I encourage myself daily. I have accountability partners. A group of my friends and I do a daily fitness challenge. We check-in with each other on Facebook daily. It is fun and useful.

Nothing is more rewarding than seeing the change in yourself – body, attitude, confidence.

There has been some residual effects. I do not accept the poor treatment of others becuase – through fitness - I have learned to make myself the priority. I can say no to food and as an extension no to other things that are not good for me or that are not in my best interest. I have found that people who you love the most can take advantage if allowed. I have found the cure for this. It is the word 'no'.

I am feeling pretty confident about the rest of my journey. I know through it all God is with me. With Him on my side, I cannot, WILL NOT, lose. Except pounds of course. lol

It is like the lyrics to an old song my mom would sing while cleaning the house:

 "I don't feel no ways tired./I've come to far from where I've started from/Nobody told me that the road would be easy/I don't believe you have brought me this far to leave me."

Happy Post Christmas Pre-New Year’s Eve Day

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I have not been posting. I have been living. Took a week off from work and visited home.

Every time I visit Chicago in the winter I am reminded of a few things:

  1. It’s flipping cold! I walked my happy self out of the airport to wait for my sister to pick me up. It was not even five minutes before frost and regret forced me back into the airport terminal.
  2. Radiator heat is for smoking hams or salmon. If you have ever lived up north in one of those ancient apartments, you will understand the type of volcanic heat generated by radiator systems. It’s flipping hot!
  3. When kids miss you, they like to cuddle, touch and squirm against you. Generally, getting on your nerves but it is kind of sweet.
  4. It is nice to be missed.

I get home (Dallas) and I am feeling a little blue. Chicago is filled with family, kids, a dog, and laughs. My home is filled with space. . . and me. I was feeling a tad bit lonely until I realized how awesome I am. lol

Me. It is time to get back to me.

As a new year approaches, I am focusing on me. Nothing is real until you write it down, so I am putting it out there – 2014 I am running a ½ marathon.

*cue streamers*

You see, running has always presented itself as a unique challenge. I have been doing a lot of fitness challenges. I have amped my workouts up quite a bit. So, Saturday, I decided to test it out. I went to my usual train and did 3 miles walk/jogging. I have (since last year) shaved 15 minutes off of my total time. I can run for longer periods of time AND my hip did not start hurting.

I say that is a good start. My goal is to do the 3 miles every other day until I reach full running mode. I will progress into 5k runs, 10k runs and then the half-marathon. One year my friends and catch me if you can.

I found a couch potato to 5k plan here.