If I have a New Year’s Resolution – it is to be fearless. I have always erred on the side of caution. I am willing to take the risk. First, I will not be afraid to write my true feelings on this blog. It is the reason I started it.
I started a relationship based on fear. Fear of my own singleness. Fear of my family always asking, have you met someone? The jokes, the warnings, the foreboding – I admit, I let it get to me. After the initial conversation, I was on the side of no. Then, I talked to friends and everyone was like, you are too picky, yada, yada, yada. I have said it once and I will say it again, my gut is never wrong.
It was right.
The problem with being led by fear, is that fear creates a desperate energy. Desperation is so palpable. It makes you clingy and needy. I was afraid that I had missed this opportunity once before and it was presenting itself again. Afraid of making the wrong choice again. Afraid to let go of what I could see for the invisible promise of faith.
I am not desperate. I am deliberate, delicate, destined, dynamic and other words that begin with the letter ‘D’ lol.
It is amazing when you let go and let God, He really will provide that ram in the bush you could not see because you were so focused on the sacrifice. The sacrifice being the person or thing you thought you were losing.
I resolve to be open – eyes, hands and heart. I feel like I am on the precipice but I am not afraid of falling. I am learning to be content with what I have but I am open for more. I am learning to be in the moment without always wondering ‘what’s next?’ If I step off that peak, I believe that I will learn to fly.
My mom wants to come stay with me for a spell. It may take time but I usually get my heart’s desire.
I do have another desire of my heart. It is the time awaiting that is the test. I am willing.
I have been learning to eat well, cook well and be well. It is well.
I am determined to run my half-marathon. I am already shopping for my runner's outfit. A girl’s got to be cute crossing the finish line!
I got on the scale this morning and was down another pound. Shooo, you can’t tell me nothing.
Do you have a New Year’s Resolution? Will you share with me?