This week has been trying physically, let me tell you. I have been subjected to mandatory overtime, while trying to maintain my amped up workouts and developing a social life. All of this has left me T.I.R.E.D.
Had to steal away and pray.
My social calendar this week – dinner with a friend, out to the Beamers again (my friend had free buffet passes) and a writer's workshop. Not too hectic until you throw in a ten hour work day that starts at 6:30 am. Try as I might, I just cannot enjoy Beamers, I am sorry. I know we went at "dinnertime" and left before it turned into a ""club but it still feels like a club when I am there. I still feel out of place.
My friend who went with me last week said to me, "Girl, that last man who asked you to dance was cute, something must be wrong with you."
Yes, I am saved. I am trying to find a balance between being social and meeting people and staying in God's will and before you roll your eyes and dismiss my comment, please read on.
I bought this really cute dress, specifically for going out and being social. When I was trying it on, the dressing room attended states, "Ohh that is cute but if you're going out it needs to be shorter." I decide to not to be me for a while and take her advice. Let me tell you, when I walked through the door, men were just kinda drawn to me or it. lol The dress is form fitted black lace with a nude slip. In the right light it probably looks as if the wearer is naked when actually everything is pretty much covered up. Pair that with some five inch heels and you have got yourself a brick house. lol The illusion is grand.
I had not sat down five minutes when a guy buys me a drink and this is after I say, "No, thank you." I give the drink to one of the ladies I am with. That "man", that my friend mentioned, was kinda all over me. He asks me to dance, we talk a bit, and I brush him off. He leaves. Later on in the night he comes back and is a bit more aggressive – respectful but aggressive. It gave me the creeps. lol.
I have tried, against my internal hesitation, to do the Single's Ministry thing. I have found that to be lacking in so many areas – poorly planned and executed. I have tried being more open and even tolerating people, behavior, and attitudes that I would have dismissed in a heartbeat in an effort to be more social. Trust me, I have a low threshold for untoward behavior. Yet, I tolerate more. I have been told that I am mean and dismissive. I actively try not to be those things.
The things that I enjoy are a bit more cerebral – museums, plays, writing, traveling, PBS, like-minded people, my family, good music, and dance class. Not exactly activities for casual meeting of strangers.
The honest truth is, when I was out, I felt dishonest. I am not the woman that dress and heels projected. I want to meet someone being me – nerd glasses, afro and all. The man I want to want me has to know that I am more than a big butt and a smile. Trust me that dress I was wearing was a total big butt and smile kinda dress. lol
What is a single, saved girl to do when trying to be social?