Single, Saved and Social – No Easy Feat

This week has been trying physically, let me tell you. I have been subjected to mandatory overtime, while trying to maintain my amped up workouts and developing a social life. All of this has left me T.I.R.E.D.

Had to steal away and pray.

My social calendar this week – dinner with a friend, out to the Beamers again (my friend had free buffet passes) and a writer's workshop. Not too hectic until you throw in a ten hour work day that starts at 6:30 am. Try as I might, I just cannot enjoy Beamers, I am sorry. I know we went at "dinnertime" and left before it turned into a ""club but it still feels like a club when I am there. I still feel out of place.

My friend who went with me last week said to me, "Girl, that last man who asked you to dance was cute, something must be wrong with you."


Yes, I am saved. I am trying to find a balance between being social and meeting people and staying in God's will and before you roll your eyes and dismiss my comment, please read on.

I bought this really cute dress, specifically for going out and being social. When I was trying it on, the dressing room attended states, "Ohh that is cute but if you're going out it needs to be shorter." I decide to not to be me for a while and take her advice. Let me tell you, when I walked through the door, men were just kinda drawn to me or it. lol The dress is form fitted black lace with a nude slip. In the right light it probably looks as if the wearer is naked when actually everything is pretty much covered up. Pair that with some five inch heels and you have got yourself a brick house. lol The illusion is grand.

I had not sat down five minutes when a guy buys me a drink and this is after I say, "No, thank you." I give the drink to one of the ladies I am with. That "man", that my friend mentioned,  was kinda all over me. He asks me to dance, we talk a bit, and I brush him off. He leaves. Later on in the night he comes back and is a bit more aggressive – respectful but aggressive. It gave me the creeps. lol.

I have tried, against my internal hesitation, to do the Single's Ministry thing. I have found that to be lacking in so many areas – poorly planned and executed. I have tried being more open and even tolerating people, behavior, and attitudes that I would have dismissed in a heartbeat in an effort to be more social. Trust me, I have a low threshold for untoward behavior. Yet, I tolerate more. I have been told that I am mean and dismissive. I actively try not to be those things.

The things that I enjoy are a bit more cerebral – museums, plays, writing, traveling, PBS, like-minded people, my family, good music, and dance class. Not exactly activities for casual meeting of strangers.

The honest truth is, when I was out, I felt dishonest. I am not the woman that dress and heels projected. I want to meet someone being me – nerd glasses, afro and all. The man I want to want me has to know that I am more than a big butt and a smile. Trust me that dress I was wearing was a total big butt and smile kinda dress. lol

What is a single, saved girl to do when trying to be social?

Think I Will Buy A Cat and Call Her Fe-Fe

I went to Beamers with a friend. It was supposed to be this great buffet for $5.00. It ended up being a camouflaged club but I had on a cute dress and high heels so I was gonna make the best of it.


The music was too loud, the people  a little too extra. Chris Rock has a standup bit in which he states he got married so that he would not be the old man in the club, not really old, just too old to be in the club. O. M. Bananas there were so many old men there. I just kept willing myself to enjoy myself but the whole environment was making me uncomfortable.

 My coworker later lamented that I kept saying no to every guy that approached me. As soon as I sit down, this guy offers to but me a drink. He proceeds to go get one after I politely declined. I end up giving it to my friend's cousin. This other guy practically begged me to dance and I simple stated no thank you like a million times. He had a nice smile but he seemed like he had lived half his life in a club, starting out when they used to be called juke joints. 

I know I am just a church girl who just does not fit in in those type of environments no matter how I try. I just kept thinking that what I want/need is definitely not sitting in here.


So, why did I even go? I just wanted to experience what others were telling me was the place to meet and mingle. It seemed benign enough from their descriptions. I wanted to silence the audible fears that others were blaring at me.

'Felicia, you have to get out and meet people."

"Felicia, there isn't a perfect man out there."

"Felicia, you have to compromise."

Argh!! Felicia has had enough.

This weekend, I will visit a pet store or rescue shelter. I am going cat shopping. I want something in all white. I will name her Fe-fe.


Feeling Extra, Extra Single.

Someone I know is getting married. There is wedding planning discussions all the time, which I sometimes initiate and enjoy. However, this crap has me feeling extra, extra single.

Discussing this extra, extra single phenomenon with a friend. She says, "I was in a meeting and everyone had a wedding ring except 1 senior citizen, a gay guy and me!"

What the heck is going on?

I went to dinner twice – by myself.  I sat at the bar. Why? Because hostesses do not respect you when you dine alone. Now the bar is supposed to be the area where you attract attention, right? Yeah, a guy asked to borrow my salt.

Got an oil change and the guy who complimented my looks last visit, comes and sits behind me as I pay, (he always does this), walks me out and opens my car door. He is super duper cute but he DOES NOT ask me out.

This is kinda sucking big time.


Single, black and not dating anyone yet, still. lol

So I Finally Got Asked To Dinner. . .

. . .by the wrong guy! lol

Thursday was the last day of my internship. My manager planned this celebration. There was cake and snacks. A lot of people came down to say goodbye.

Soooo my manager starts telling all of the delivery guys throughout the day that it was my last day. This one in particular, I have always known he has liked me. The first day he started work he just stared at me without saying a word. I had a one word. . .creepy! lol


So, gradually he started making small talk. Well long story short, my manager comes into the party and says. "The UPS guy wants to see you before you leave, oh he wants cake." She then hands me a plate of cake and snacks.

So I go back to my desk, he is all like, "You should let me take you to dinner." Blah, blah, blah.

So I say, "Um, that would be ok." I mean what else could I say.

I know you, my frequent readers, are asking, "What's the problem?"

He is kinda cute. He just seems like a neighborhood guy. Those of you who grew up in the hood may know what I mean.

I know I suck. I'm contradictory.  I may as well go buy a couple of cats. It's just that I had a vision of who would ask me out and this wasn't the guy.

He gave his number. So I ask you – should I call?

Seven Annoying Habits I Have Being Single

There is a certain freedom that come with being single. A freedom that is threatened with the introduction of a significant other in your life. When I seriously think about being married, I realize I would have to give up certain freedoms that another person might find rather annoying.


  1. Wearing Granny Panties – I know, TMI, but they are sooo comfortable. This one goes hand-in-hand with – Matching Panties and Bra.

  2. Farting – *blushing* I fart, ok. Usually, at night but, hey, it is just me. #Freedom
  3. Eating Raw Garlic – I love garlic but usually shy away from it in social settings. At home alone, I eat it on salads raw. It is good for the heart, right?
  4. My Hair Is Everywhere – Maybe I need to trim my ends but my hair seems to be everywhere. I just just leave where it lands until clean up day.
  5. I Sing A Lot – This was way annoying to my sister but she's a hater. lol
  6. I Hate Shaving – If I were a lesbian, I would be the hairiest lesbian you'd ever meet. I would not shave, wax, pluck or thread a darn thing on my body. I abhor it BUT I do it because it makes me look presentable, like a LADY.
  7. I Don't Cook – I am seriously considering taking a culinary class when I graduate. I hear a way to man's heart is his stomach and I need a paved road.

What are some of your annoying habits? If you are married, what are some of your spouses annoying habits that you put up with?


    Things That Make Me Wish I Had A Man

    I am a happy single girl. Really, I am. . . BUT there are certain situations in life that make me see the benefits in being married or at least booed up.

    Consider today.

    I left my phone at home. I was not sure if I had lost it so when I noticed it was gone, I went to the parking lot to look through my car. Well, apparently, I left the light on because when I tried to start it to go home. . .NOTHING!!!!!!


    The guy who I work with gave me a jump from one of the company owned vehicles. He was so helpful and knowledgeable that I had a  I wish I had a man moment. LOL

    I went to visit a friend who is recovering from surgery. She is a newlywed. Her husband was there sitting on the floor staring up at her while I was there and I had it again – that darn, I wish I had a man,  moment.

    So folks here is my list of times when single just ain't that fun:

    1. Times when I am broke and something needs to be fixed.
    2. Car trouble.
    3. It's cold and the garbage needs to taken out.
    4. Every month when I pay rent and bills.
    5. Times when I hear about an event friends (married) have attended but have conveniently NOT told me about. Then everyone has the look of,  Oh, crap why did I just say we did that and she didn't go.
    6. When friends suggest that you sign-up to online dating sites – THIS REALLY HAPPENED!!!
    7. I have something really interesting happen, I get home and there is no one to tell.
    8. I have 3 people in less than one month announce their engagements – THIS REALLY HAPPENED, TOO!!
    9. I read facebook and realize I am the only childless, husband-less friend on my list. Almost.
    10. When I am up writing blog posts instead of snuggling with the one I love.

    What is your list? Leave in the comments.