Letter to Self Five Years Ago

The retrospective offers the most precise point of view. You know every twist and turn your life has taken – no surprises here.  Often, I have looked upon my past and only recount my mistakes. If I had only done this or not done that – then . . .  *insert perfect ending*. Evaluating your past successes and mistakes can be a painful process.  Embrace it. Through it, you can make well-planned choices for a deliberate future. Life still happens but it is important to know that you have a choice in the matter. 

To myself five years ago,  I write:

 

Dear Felicia,

1. Enjoy the moment you are in. In five years, you will be in a different state – physically and metaphorically. 

2. This extra weight will be a thing of the past. You will not be at your goal weight but you will have lost 35 plus lbs, have a fitness group of over 100 members, and be lifting weights. 

3. Do not dwell on the past mistakes as much. Learn from them and move on. A choice made is just a choice. Do not torture yourself wondering what would have been if you had made a different choice. 

4. The man you have been dreaming about is just that – a man and a dream. He will disappoint your fantasy of him and that is okay. You are more beautiful and desired than you have ever known. 

5. Life is going to throw you some curve balls in every area – health, family and finances. Know that you are well-equipped for this battle and God has your back. 

6. Please, Felicia, be kinder to yourself. You have accomplished so much already. You will be amazed by what you are going to do. 

7.  STOP, just STOP living in fear. You will curse the chance not taken because of playing it safe. Do not fret too much, you will get another opportunity to prove yourself brave. You will pass. 

8. You will learn that it is okay to love and to lose because the joy is in the experience. Loving without any expectation of reciprocity is the purest love of all. 

9.  Once you have completed reading this letter, do not ponder it too much. Life is lived in the now.

10. Go live!

                                                                                                                                                 Sincerely,

                                                                                                                    An Older and Wiser You

 

 

 

Living In The Moment

 If you could have one superpower, what would it be? I have one. It is a blessing and a curse.

I can time time travel. I do it quite often. I live in the past, remembering what was or  how I did not take advantage of some opportunity. I live in the future, dreaming of a future where my dreams are my reality.

My cryptonite. Living in the here and now.

Time travel

I was watching  a reality show and a stylist was being reprimanded by the owner. She was trying to point out how the stylist could handle conflict better. The stylist swung around in her chair repeatedly stating that, mentally, she was at Disney World. When she came back to earth, the conflict remained unresolved.

There are moments in life that are not pleasant. You can choose to mentally escape or be present. Feel the moment and what it brings – pain, discomfort, fear. It is only when you are fully present can you ascertain the situation. You will do what is necessary to prevent the same issue in the future. People who time travel escape the moment but the circumstances remain.

I was sitting in the sauna and overheard a conversation between a woman (27-ish)  and  man (43-ish). The 27 year old woman recounted many events in which her mom physically and emotionally abused her as a child. The older man tried to offer advice. The woman just voiced how the past would not allow her a future relationship with her mother. They went back in forth. The younger women revisiting her past and the older man remember his own.

I just sat there sweating. I really wanted to relax and not think about anything but I was vicariously time travelling via someone else's memory. I could see it all flashing through my mind. Unforgiveness, you are stuck in the past. Procrastination, anticipation, angst – personality traits of a voyager of time. 

I closed my eyes allowing the heat to purge the toxic sweat from my body.

It is better to be in the moment. In life, it is all we truly possess.