Tag Archives: Christian

How Not to Be A Pushover Christian

When you become a Christian, you are on this spiritual high. You go to church whenever the doors are open, you read your Word as if it is your daily food and water allowance. You try to be the consummate Christian.

In Galatians 5:22, it reads, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness." So you go about your business being kind and turning the other cheek until one day you realize, hey, I have run out of cheeks to turn lol.

Some signs you are a pushover; people are always asking to borrow money, they need your help for EVERYTHING, and have no problem letting you down when the tables are turned. You are left feeling anxious and upset and they are living their life merrily with your money! lol

In relationships, it is even more difficult. If you are trying to be the best Christian, virtuous woman possible, men see that as gullible. Much like, relatives/friends asking for money, men will ask you for your very soul, if you allow it. They will also feel no qualms about not keeping up their end of the bargain. It is like, your the Christian, you should forgive me. By the way, lay down and let me walk over you seven times seventy more times.

I, like others, have struggled with boundaries. I hve learned the key to not being a pushover Christian is exercising the use of the word NO.

It is understanding that you have the right, as a child of God, to be loved and respected. Just because the people in your circle may be family or other Christians, these people still NEED to be told NO. You must teach people how to treat you. I have learned – the hard way – that you cannot expect someone out of the goodness of their heart to respect your boundaries. You must take charge and enforce them.

To summarize, the way not to be a pushover Christian is to:

  1. Learn to say NO!.
  2. Identify your boundaries to others.
  3. Enforce your boundaries.

Please know, you can do all of the above with love. Those perpetual boundary crossers will even thank you for it later. (Maybe lol)

Devon Franklin Unashamed To Admit His 10 Year Celibacy

Being a celibate Christian is not crazy, it is the sanest, most incredible gift that you can give to yourself.

I was preusing the internet as I am want to do and I came across a video discussing my favorite Christian couple – Meagan Good and Devon Franklin. Mr. Franklin reveals that he had been a celibate Christian for over ten years! (Join the club!) What followed were a bunch of negative comments about this man for actually, unashamedly, proclaiming that God was able to keep him until marriage.

 

His experience is not unique. The world has become so twisted that promiscuity is promoted while celibacy is abased. I think the stigma is harder for men. You always run the risk of being labeled soft. Women can often times feel pressure to be that seductive vamp that men drool over in music videos. The Proverbs 31 virtuous woman is viewed as a relic of old time values. Even some Christians believe that you cannot date and be celibate.

I can tell you from experience that this is a lie from the very pit of hell. I cannot begin to tell you how being celibate, even through the most trying temptations, has kept me from so many pitfalls the enemy had set for me. My mother told me recently, if you mean to do right, God will always reveal the truth, protect and watch over you.

Perhaps you have never heard that you are valuable. That your existence was planned before the foundation of the world. No one may have ever told you that you are beautiful and that you are worth the wait.

Well, I just did.

I am not speaking of myself. I am speaking from truths I have learned over years in my Christian walk. The chief being – God loves me.

Yes, folk. The creator of the universe loves me. He loves the imperfect, sometimes contradictory, me. He loves you, too. If you meditate on this truth, I mean really know it experientially, you will never give yourself away in a an ungodly way. You are just too precious.

Do you believe it? Well, here's the proof:

"For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:6-8

Wow!

Why Is Life So Easy. . .

after the fact!?

Oh, I missed the turn. Should have turned left. The venue is right after the turn.

Such is my life.

You have to go though life's test and trials to gain the wisdom you need to make wise and sage decisions all. . .after the fact!

Why could not my future self have figured out all of these things concerning life, family, men and money in the future,wrote it on a tablet, built a time machine and sat it by my bed when I was 18? Would that have been so difficult?

At 18 – 20ish you really know everything and nothing all at the same time. Trying to explain to an adult the mentality behind your decisions at that age is a bit trippy. Why? Because I know all of the endings to those dumb decisions.

Dumb is a bit harsh, no? I would say uninformed or unwise decisions. I was a pretty precocious child, smart teenage, and astute young adult. When it came to life and love, however, I was Cher clueless. *insert 90s reference*

Been conversing with someone who knew me way back when. He remarked how much I had grown and developed. He stated how insightful my words are. I wanted to say, "of course they are, I am actually using words!" lol Back then, when things got to emotional, I would head for the hills. Or push someone away.

The key is not drowning in a sea of what-ifs and apparent overly-used metaphors. I can only move forward.

The tools I have gathered along this road – faith, education, friends, coping skills and words – all assist me in creating my best life right now.The biggest skill I have acquired is the art of confrontation. Learning to manage emotions, change and people in the face of confrontation is the key to long lasting successful relationships and business.

To those who join me in my life at this moment, the experience is going to be exponentially greater than with the me at 18. I only run on trails now.

Why Would Anyone Want To Marry You?

The idea of marriage and finding the man of destiny that God has chosen for us, is a revisited conversation topic for me and my single friends. In fact, yesterday, I had quite an interesting conversation, in which a friend said that marriage is not your ministry when I have heard the message preach that marriage is exactly that – a ministry. Given the current environment of conflicting ideas and expectations, I was unexpectedly challenged in my idea of what a marriage mate is by an article someone posted on Facebook from Relevant Magazine, "You Never Marry the Right Person."

Yes, sometimes Facebook actually yields something thought provoking.

The gist of the article is that we expect too much from another person. We want someone to be perfect and fulfill our emotional/sensual needs while never expecting much from us in return. That person should just be perfect while accepting our crusty flawed selves. Yes, I mean crusty.

Another idea posed in the article is that it is impossible to find the perfect mate because marriage fundamentally changes who were are. When you enter into a marriage, you are learning to love a new person and therin lies the rub. 

I was talking to a guy and he was detailing what he expects/likes in a woman. What he wants is not unrealistic but did have a tinge of I want you to be more wholesome than I have to be. Having just watched an old Eddie Murphy stand up, I shied away from the knee-jerk reaction to snap my fingers and roll my neck all the while yelling, "and what about you?!" lol

The author of the article actually articulates in an analogous to the Bible sort of way how we need to love like Christ loves us. We are epically flawed yet eternally loved in Christ, right? Why cannot we love another flawed individual without the expectation of perfection on their part and not ours?

Interesting idea, no?

 

 

Single, Saved and Social – No Easy Feat

This week has been trying physically, let me tell you. I have been subjected to mandatory overtime, while trying to maintain my amped up workouts and developing a social life. All of this has left me T.I.R.E.D.

Had to steal away and pray.

My social calendar this week – dinner with a friend, out to the Beamers again (my friend had free buffet passes) and a writer's workshop. Not too hectic until you throw in a ten hour work day that starts at 6:30 am. Try as I might, I just cannot enjoy Beamers, I am sorry. I know we went at "dinnertime" and left before it turned into a ""club but it still feels like a club when I am there. I still feel out of place.

My friend who went with me last week said to me, "Girl, that last man who asked you to dance was cute, something must be wrong with you."

BettyBoop

Yes, I am saved. I am trying to find a balance between being social and meeting people and staying in God's will and before you roll your eyes and dismiss my comment, please read on.

I bought this really cute dress, specifically for going out and being social. When I was trying it on, the dressing room attended states, "Ohh that is cute but if you're going out it needs to be shorter." I decide to not to be me for a while and take her advice. Let me tell you, when I walked through the door, men were just kinda drawn to me or it. lol The dress is form fitted black lace with a nude slip. In the right light it probably looks as if the wearer is naked when actually everything is pretty much covered up. Pair that with some five inch heels and you have got yourself a brick house. lol The illusion is grand.

I had not sat down five minutes when a guy buys me a drink and this is after I say, "No, thank you." I give the drink to one of the ladies I am with. That "man", that my friend mentioned,  was kinda all over me. He asks me to dance, we talk a bit, and I brush him off. He leaves. Later on in the night he comes back and is a bit more aggressive – respectful but aggressive. It gave me the creeps. lol.

I have tried, against my internal hesitation, to do the Single's Ministry thing. I have found that to be lacking in so many areas – poorly planned and executed. I have tried being more open and even tolerating people, behavior, and attitudes that I would have dismissed in a heartbeat in an effort to be more social. Trust me, I have a low threshold for untoward behavior. Yet, I tolerate more. I have been told that I am mean and dismissive. I actively try not to be those things.

The things that I enjoy are a bit more cerebral – museums, plays, writing, traveling, PBS, like-minded people, my family, good music, and dance class. Not exactly activities for casual meeting of strangers.

The honest truth is, when I was out, I felt dishonest. I am not the woman that dress and heels projected. I want to meet someone being me – nerd glasses, afro and all. The man I want to want me has to know that I am more than a big butt and a smile. Trust me that dress I was wearing was a total big butt and smile kinda dress. lol

What is a single, saved girl to do when trying to be social?

Think I Will Buy A Cat and Call Her Fe-Fe

I went to Beamers with a friend. It was supposed to be this great buffet for $5.00. It ended up being a camouflaged club but I had on a cute dress and high heels so I was gonna make the best of it.

#underwhelmed

The music was too loud, the people  a little too extra. Chris Rock has a standup bit in which he states he got married so that he would not be the old man in the club, not really old, just too old to be in the club. O. M. Bananas there were so many old men there. I just kept willing myself to enjoy myself but the whole environment was making me uncomfortable.

 My coworker later lamented that I kept saying no to every guy that approached me. As soon as I sit down, this guy offers to but me a drink. He proceeds to go get one after I politely declined. I end up giving it to my friend's cousin. This other guy practically begged me to dance and I simple stated no thank you like a million times. He had a nice smile but he seemed like he had lived half his life in a club, starting out when they used to be called juke joints. 

I know I am just a church girl who just does not fit in in those type of environments no matter how I try. I just kept thinking that what I want/need is definitely not sitting in here.

Catwhite

So, why did I even go? I just wanted to experience what others were telling me was the place to meet and mingle. It seemed benign enough from their descriptions. I wanted to silence the audible fears that others were blaring at me.

'Felicia, you have to get out and meet people."

"Felicia, there isn't a perfect man out there."

"Felicia, you have to compromise."

Argh!! Felicia has had enough.

This weekend, I will visit a pet store or rescue shelter. I am going cat shopping. I want something in all white. I will name her Fe-fe.