Make Space for What You Love

I love to write, perform spoken word, to sing, and create content. Being creative is my core identity. It brings me immense joy and satisfaction. I can see angles and weave connections together to tell a compelling story. This is both gift and craft. It has taken years for me to accept this as my calling.

So, why do I spend the majority of my time not doing any of the above? Time and energy management.

The Dilemma

Work, the commute, working out, eating healthy, family, and self-care. Sheesh. I am tired. The list of what I need to do drains my energy so much I struggle to do what I love. As I write this, I have a load of laundry on. I have just finished washing dishes. I need to prepare for Monday morning. My brain keeps adding on task after task until, overwhelmed, I shut down. I end up lying in bed scrolling Instagram to ease the mental tension.

I am also blue. Not doing what I love is having a negative effect on my mood. I shared this with a group of ladies from church. We meet every Sunday after service for a coffee break chat because community matters. An older group member asked, “How much are you willing to fight for the time you need to be creative?” I started thinking, how can I manage my time better?

The Solution

You have to make room for what you love. It can be a downright fight for that space.

I am currently reading, “Black Girls Must Die Exhausted.” I have internalized that my ability to manage household duties is directly correlated to how good of a woman I am. That is not true. It correlates to how exhausted I feel at the end of everyday.

I have decided to outsource some of the activities that I have been draining my energy. Laundry and cleaning, well there are services for that. I have reached out to a few meal prepping services, too. I am aware that this costs money. Not managing my time and energy is costing me my dream. Which is the more expensive of the two?

Life is about making decisions and creating priorities. How you spend your money and time reveals what it most important to you.

I am important to me.

Drop your thoughts in the comments below.

But He Has Potential!

But He Had Potential.   
When it comes to attraction to a man, what a woman  likes at 18 is different than what she likes at 30. If I could impart any aged wisdom to young women looking for a mate – look with your more mature lens. Project your future.

Maybe he is not the typical captain of the football team but captain of the chess club. Maybe his hair does lay down with baby oil but rises like steel wool but he has potential. He may be nerdy now but does he have "potential"?
When you are younger, you go for that spark but as you mature you choose what is smart. Like Lauryn Hill said,

           "What you want might make you cry
            What you need might pass you by
            If you don't catch it,
            If you don't catch it,
            And what you need ironically
            Will turn out what you want to be
            If you just let it,
            If you just let it"


I love that youtube clip. I know Sherri is kicking herself about shading Hill Harper. Talk about potential.

Uncertainty and Moving Forward

I am always attempting to predict the future. I put off things I really want to do afraid that once I commit something in my situation will change and I won't be able to follow through.

The big questions of my life have centered around employment and where to live. I am fairly convinced that God has me in Dallas but employment – still a conundrum.

The irony is I am still in relatively the same place after 4 years, no big life changes yet. So why do I let this uncertainty stop my plans?

OAN: This girl from undergrad moved to Texas around the same time that I did. She was really nice and helped me navigate my new city.

I remember this one particular drive, she lamented being single. She mentioned a mutual friend of ours who was married and at the time pregnant with her first child. During our drive she said aloud that she really wanted that – a husband and family. I am so bad because I remember thinking – poor girl may not ever happen. I guess I was a bit jaded about that stuff then.

Fast forward and she is married and just had a beautiful baby boy. I was on the book of the face and looking at pictures of the tiny tot. On one hand, I was super excited and happy for her and on another I was kinda bummed out by me. I thought God am I remedial? Why am I not moving forward?

Maybe it's the doubt and uncertainty that causes me not to commit to anything or even say yes when a guy asks me out. IDK. I know the money thing always throws me for a loop. I need to make more money so I am always trying to find a better gig. This leads to more uncertainty. Ugh!

I wish one of my readers was a psychologist because I really need to figure this thing out, preferably, before age forty.