Tag: african american women

Permission to Put You First

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Ever hear yourself talking and realize you need to take your own advice?

I was being interviewed by hosts Denise Cole Hill and Wilson Murkinson for Nuu Beats Radio on Saturday. I start saying something like, “you have to give yourself permission to go for what you really want, not for what you think you can get.” I heard the sentences as if they were coming from another person’s mouth. My vocals reverberated off the walls and landed back into my soul.

Was I truly going for what I want in life and not what was easily attainable?

Being raised with lack can cause you to believe any crumb is a blessing. Gratitude for what you have is necessary before you can truly appreciate more. A crumb is insufficient if you are truly hungry. It is a blessing in a sense but is it God’s best? The Bible says it like:

” . . . but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.” Proverbs 27:7b.

When i was unemployed back in 2010, I took the first job offer available. I was immensely grateful to be working; however, I recognized early on that this was not a holding place for me. I started inquiring about and applying for jobs that aligned with what I actually wanted to be doing. I got a new gig 11 months in.

Have you heard the term ‘Struggle Love’? It’s the idea that in a relationship a person has to remain loyal through someone else’s emotional, financial, and relational struggles. Your loyalty is rewarded with marriage after you have sufficiently suffered.

confused look

I saw an Instagram post about a reality star Kimbella  who has been in a relationship with rapper Juelz Santana for nearly ten years. According to the post, Kimbella has endured birthing two children, infidelity, his drug addiction, and finally as he may be doing jail time, he proposes.

Granted, I do not know all of the details of their relationship, it is ‘reality’ TV of course, but on the surface this appears to be textbook ‘struggle love’.

A guy told me that if I don’t want to accept the breakups and makeups of a relationship then I am not really ready for one. I explained that we understand love differently. I believe love is the action of sacrificially seeking the best for someone. I demonstrate love by caring for and taking care of the needs of my partner. I want him to be healthier, wealthier, wiser. I will assist in any way required. That’s how my soul is setup. Hurting someone to see how much they can withstand to test their loyalty/love is cruelty.

Putting me first is a challenge. Rejecting what I can get and going for what I truly want takes a level of faith that I am still developing. There is always someone or something demanding the attention/time that I have allotted to self-care or pursuing my calling. There is always a small doubt saying maybe this is as good as it gets. In my prayer time, I can hear the spirit saying ‘don’t settle’. My inner voice is calling out to me to take care of me, to put me first.

I am listening.

Choosing Love and Happiness

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Holding on to something you have instead of going for what you really want is a recipe for unhappiness.

Let me say it again!

Holding on to something you don’t really want instead of going for what you truly desire is a recipe for unhappiness.

EMPLOYMENT

People stay in jobs they hate due to a number of reasons. One being tradition. They saw their parents work at a company for 20, 30 years and retire. They stay because it pays the bills. Maybe there are kids, a mortgage, sick family members who need health insurance.

I GET IT, BUT . . .

What is your happiness worth?

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22 NIV.

 The migraines, colds, lethargy could be due to your own unhappiness.

How do you get to a career that fulfills you? Take a class to improve your skills, join a professional group to network with professionals, start a side-hustle that you LOVE.

RELATIONSHIPS

There are people dating/married to men/women who cheat, mistreat, deceive, etc. They stay out of convenience, fear of being single,  or something other than true love. Deep down, some believe that they do not deserve any better. Your happiness cannot be gotten from someone else, great relationship or not. However, being with the wrong person can lead to stress, angst, mistrust – all of which contribute to unhappiness.

Let it go

LET IT GOOOOO . . . but have a plan.

That’s right. Plan for your happiness. Imagine it. Create a vision board. Look at it everyday. Locate the dream job. Find out it’s requirements. Work to become qualified. Network with professionals in your industry . .  and BAM! You are doing something you love.

Go to the gym. Get a meal plan, Read books. Become that interesting irresistible person the man/woman of your dreams will be attracted to . . . and BAM!

Happily Ever After!

You can have love and happiness but you have to let go of what you really do not want. Have faith and go after what you really want.

You deserve it.

My Review of First Match, A Netflix Film

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It appears that Netflix does not display the customer ratings for movie suggestions anymore.

Why Sway?

I have decided to revive the review portion of this blog as a public service. I have begun and stopped so many movies in Netflix. They are either too gun happy, war-happy, murder-happy.  I watch Netflix movies so that you do not have to.

Please take a look of my review of First Match, a Netflix original movie .

A Candid Look – Shirene Hicks

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When I was a young woman, I knew the life I wanted but I had no idea how to get there. I understand what it is like to have to forge your own way through uncharted territory. When I meet someone, who has done just that, I choose to celebrate her. I am excited to share my conversation with Shirene Hicks.

Shirene is a minister of the gospel, radio host, author, and police officer.  I would describe her as a modern day super heroine with a bible in one hand and a gun in the other – carrying the law of the Lord and the land. She is a devoted wife and mother of three beautiful girls. Who says a woman cannot have it all?

  1. Who is Shirene Hicks?

I am the founder of Breaking Through Barriers Ministries. I am an ordained minister.  I am the author of the book, “365 days of Tears”. I have also been a law enforcement officer for the past 13 years.  Currently, I host a weekly radio show every Monday on 1570 am from 4:30-5:00pm. The goal of my radio show is to inspire both hearts and minds. I am working towards a second Master’s degree at Loyola University in counseling. I enjoy spending quality time with my husband and three children.

I am called to missions and the prophetic. I recently visited Haiti and I had a life changing experience. I have a love and desire to help those that are in need. I find comfort while on the mission field. It is my opportunity to humbly give back and minister to others. Over a decade ago I discovered my calling.  Through dreams I saw myself traveling the world and digging wells. I knew then that I had an awesome mission ahead.

  1. What do you absolutely love to do?

One thing that I absolutely love to do is travel.  I enjoy traveling both domestically and internationally.

  1. What is fear to you and how have you overcome fear?

Fear is a stumbling block and it prevents progress.  I had to overcome fear when being vocal about feminism.  I am a feminist.  I am interested in equality.  My goal is not to bash men but to fight for equality among women. When I identify myself as a feminist, I am often judged especially by my male counterparts.  I overcame fear by accepting who I was called to be.

  1. What is your greatest accomplishment?

My greatest accomplishment is finishing my book, 365 Days of Tears, within a two-month time frame. During that time, I had an infant daughter that I also had to care for. Every morning after, when she was sound asleep, I would sit up and write from 2 am to 5 am.

  1. What is the goal of your ministry? How do you measure its success?

The goal of my ministry is to preach the kingdom of God in a way that will draw all to Christ.  I measure my ministry success by the change that is evident in others.  In the near future, I am working on opening up my very own counseling center.  I am currently working on a second book.  I am also building a global women’s ministry. A ministry where women can come together and build one another up. A ministry that will allow room for travel, retreats, and other outings.

shi

Website: prophetessshirenehicks.com for upcoming speaking engagements and conferences.

356 Days of Tears is available on Amazon also available at nextcenturypublishing.com

Upcoming events:

Breaking Through Barriers Ministries Prayer call begins on January 1, 2018 at 7 pm. Dial in # (563)999-2090 access #338929 playback# (563) 999-2099. The prayer call is every Monday.

 

Fitness 2013 – The Plateau or the Cliff

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I am not as obsessive with my scale nowadays. I get on it one every other day and not everyday :-).Seriously folks. For a few weeks, I had been gaining and losing the same 3 lbs. It was starting to get on my freaking nerves.I felt myself getting close the that cliff. That edge that tempts you to chalk it up to genes and eat the darn Doritos. We have all been there, right? Right? Ok, maybe just me.

Then I remembered my post – It's All Mathematics.

That extra slice of cheese, that helping of ice cream was all adding up. . .on my thighs. Back to the drawing board. I reviewed my diet and designed a workable plan. Back to my oatmeal in the morning. Plain yogurt and fruit for snack. Reasonable lunch 800 calories or less and a sensible dinner.

NO.MORE.DORITOS! lol

I reviewed my workouts via my phone app and I had slacked to about 3 times per week. My goal is to be at 5 times per week. Seriously, I have been working out extra hard with a trainer. Why put myself through that torture – and believe me it is torture – to undo it with mindless snacking, being lazy or eating out? 

In the words of Sweet Brown, 'Ain't nobody got time for that!'

I get on the scale today. For the last few days, those 3 lbs have stayed gone.

Shoot, I'm tryna be fine by my birthday.

#countdown

I’m So Excited, I Think I’ll Take a Picture

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I love photos. I like to get dressed, put on makeup and take an egregious bathroom self-photo. You know what I mean. They are on every Facebook page. Sometimes, I remember to clean the mirror and remove all of the toiletries from the counter first. Sometimes *insert sad face*

I am losing weight and would like to visually document the progress. I find before and after photos (untouched) of regular (non-famous) women so motivational. It is a real, physical reminder that what I am looking to accomplish is very doable.

As aforementioned, I don't just want to lose weight. I also want to be fly. *ignore the the fact that I just used the word aforementioned in a sentence* lol. One thread to all of the fabulous looking after shots is the use of weight training to transform the body's appearance.

I have not put a lot of recent photos of myself on Talulazoeapple but give me 8 months. You are going to get an eyeful.I may enlist the services of a photographer or get a camera with a timer. Don't know how comfortable I am with taking before shots with someone else. #decisionsdecisions

These are some of the motivating photos I have found via Black Women Do Workout.and a Black Girls Guide to Weight Loss.

https://i0.wp.com/blackgirlsguidetoweightloss.com/wp-content/themes/two13/images/two-13-logo.jpg?w=760

 

Yep. #motivation

Brace Yourself It’s Going to Hurt

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Growing up, it was a compliment to be a curvy woman. Coming of age, I quickly learned that to be a 'brick house' was the business. With this mentality, it easy to ignore your growing BMI (Body Mass Index) and health warnings. I have heard others state that those health charts did not apply to black women because we are naturally bigger girls. Comedian Monique had a stand-up centered around applauding the plus-sized sister.

I have since learned that this is just not the truth. There comes a point in life when you have to face that fact that you are over weight, the fact that you cannot go up a flight of stairs without becoming out of breath. You have to look in the mirror and honestly say to yourself, "That ain't baby fat, that's fat, baby." 

Mo’Nique Weight Loss before and after photos

The truth hurts.

Like truth, exercise hurts. Reread that sentence and let it settle in and then – GET OVER IT! Anytime you push yourself beyond your comfort zone, it hurts. By hurt, I mean muscle discomfort. If you have joint issues or back issues, see your doctor. Whenever you begin an exercise regimen, see your doctor first. Please know this: when you begin, it will hurt.

 When I started to jog, it was quite a task for me. The first five minutes was painful. I pushed through the initial hurt. I began to experience the release of endorphins. These chemicals are released from the brain to reduce the feeling of pain and increase mood. I started to experience a euphoria described as a 'runner's high'. Source: WebMD The body is well-equipped to deal with pain. Don't let it stop you from becoming a better you.

I faced the painful truth that I was no longer 'curvy' or 'thick'. I was fat. lol This enabled me to think clear-headed about my choices. I was able to go to the doctor and get a health assessment. I read books on nutrition. I stopped buying junk food. I am eating better and exercising. It all began with the truth, exercising and eating right,  and getting through the pain of it all.

There is a good feeling on the other side. I feel great after a workout or run. I understand that the initial discomfort will dissipate and on the other end is a feeling of satisfaction. I have not reached my goal weight, yet. When I look in the mirror now, what I see is progress. That is enough to keep me going.