With the news of Chris Brown's arrest, for alledgely assaulting girlfriend Rihanna, getting so much press I could not help but raise this issue. I know the right thing to say is something along the lines of; she should leave him, he's a no good **fill in the blank**, I wish a man would! Yada, yada, yada.
Having lived a few years on planet earth, I know things are not that black and white.
About five years ago, a friend I have known since birth was dating a man (her then baby daddy) who on occasion would give her a good beat down. She did the usual; get her brother involved, have him put his life on the line playing captain save a **insert pejorative here**, only to go back to said abuser, and strain her relationship with said brother. If I have seen it once, I have seen it a thousand times.
One particular day, I and this friend were to go shopping when said boyfriend decides he was mad for some reason or another and comes to this girl's house to prove why. We are outside getting ready to get into the car when I walk out of her gate and she closes the gate and locks it. I am on the outside of the gate with crazy guy and she is behind the gate as they yell at each other.
So dummy 1 (the girl) in full view of dummy 2 (the boyfriend) very conspicuously says, "Okay **insert my name here** here are my keys you go ahead." She then whispers that I should go through the alley and pick her up. I, who at the time had no driver's license and could not drive to save my own life, had been intrusted to save hers. I take the keys, not aware at the time that I was now an unwilling player in dummy 1's "Ghetto Tales: The Baby Daddy Diaries."
I make it through the alley unskathed, I wait. Dummy 1 leans her head out of the door and I, kid you not, looks for dummy 2 and SLOWLY makes her way to the car. So Dummy 2 catches on rounds the corner and Dummy 1 freezes up. Dummy 2 jumps out of his car grabs Dummy 1 and I jump out of the car. I guess at this point in the story you may refer to me as Dummy 3. I don't know why I jumped out of the car, this is guy was huge but I digress.
The three of us then are involved in a tussle. He on one side, she on the other and I, Dummy 3, in the middle. You see Dummy 1 ran to hide behind me. Dummy 2 was trying to get at her. I was stuck in the middle because Dummy 1 had my shirt in her hand and would not let go.
This guy, Dummy 2 reaches over my head (I told you he was huge) and PUNCHES Dummy 1 in her face like five times. I break loose and run back to the house to call the police.
I must let you guys know at the time of this altercation, I was on the west side of Chicago. The police don't come running when you call about domestic violence. They never came. They only come if you report someone is being shot at.
So, needless to say after Dummy 2 saw I had called the cops. He left.
I say all of this to say, the next day Dummy 1 was all jokes and giggles about the previous day's event. She then says something like, "I like it when we fight, because the making up is so sweet." I never hung out with her again.
Fast forward, a year and this friend asks me to be in her wedding, to none else than Dummy 2.
I know we all want to be PC about this issue but that incident left a bitter taste in my mouth. I am a no drama girl. I won't put up with much. My ex never laid a hand on me but was known after our break up to smack his girlfriends around. Why is that? One of my brother's was like 'dude know we would not have stood for that ****.' But was it something else? This girl had a brother. He had gotten into it with Dummy 2 before. Only to see his beloved sister go back to this abusive boyfriend rendering his efforts to protect her moot.
Does he still abuse her? She claims no. I don't know. I participated in the wedding and still NEVER hung out with her again.