I know this subject matter has been debated ad nauseum. I am not here to debate the rightness or wrongness of interracial dating. I am curious about a particular phenomenon that is making its waves over the Internet.
There is a rise in dating sites, blogs, and forums focused specifically on black women dating white men. I read Siditty's blog and she has a lot of interesting sometimes heated discussions on the subject matter. I actually got this post idea from reading one of her posts.
I clicked on this one site from a commenter (white) and his entire site was devoted to his love of black women. For some reason, this did not sit right with me. I am a black woman and its good to be loved but is this kind of singularity just shy of fetishism.
I also question why I even feel this way. I ran across another blog from an African American blogger who proclaims why he loves black women. Is this any different? Should I feel just as uncomfortable with his exclusive devotion to black women. Should the race even matter when it comes to love?
I don't know, but I thought I would ask the question.
Hey Taula,
I know the blog you are talking about and I think he is genuine however, I really don’t believe he is going to marry a black woman. Second point, I think we may find his (the white blogger) devotion to border on the lines of fetishism because it is not a concept we are familiar with seeing so openly. With the black blogger you and I as black women are familiar and comfortable with black men and women relationships good or bad, we are familiar with them. The world is changing and the more interracial relationships are visible the more people will become comfortable with the changing dynamic of race and love.
To answer your last question race should not matter however, (there is always a however) you are attracted to what you are attracted to. For me I love ‘em dark mmmm the darker the berry the sweeter the juice. Think Morris Chestnut.
I used to get my undies all up in bunch over this when I was younger and militant in college…and when I wore undies…now I go by the simple motto of to each their own. Whatever floats their boat. If it makes them happy and it’s legal, more power to them!
I used to be on the Morris Chestnut bus but these dark brothas got some big egos now. I am on the ‘you ain’t on the DL and crazy bus, alright then let’s go!’ bus. lol
Dear Stan:
“and when I wore undies…” this falls into the ‘too much info’ category. lol
I am a fan of love so ‘interracial’ does not bother me but dating a black girl cause it’s cool but not actually marry her does.
I’m the blog owner you are referring to, and the blog no longer exists. I found that you are far from alone in your opinion about the blog. I had people write me nasty emails constantly, hack my Myspace account and even get ahold of my phone number and call me with threats. Some of my biggest detractors were black women and it really opened up my eyes.
C1:
First, welcome to the site.
Second, opened your eyes in what way?
People, in general, and black women, in particular, like to be loved or appreciated as individuals not as some new fad. I don’t know your inner most thoughts but that is how I took the site.
So I would welcome your honest feedback. On Talulazoeapple, we won’t attack you or hack you. Promise!
That’s a promise from me too, C1. The only thing I will say is that I’m Latino and I’m married to an Afro-American lady now for 26 years; it gets better and better each day.
Congratulations Smooth.
I’m leery of people who only date within or without their race.
Attraction doesn’t work that way.
I’ve dated all types of women, but the ones I won’t date are those who “only” date men like me.
Ok, LH we are agreeing entirely too much. But seriously, I want to understand the mindset of, for example, a white male who exclusively dates black women. I have heard the midset of the Wesley Snipes’ of the world on why the date anyone except black women.
Congrats ST! 26 years that’s a testament to you and your wife’s commitment to each other. My husband and I will make four years of marriage this May.
I’ve never exclusively dated black women, and I’ve really never know a white guy who did, so no insight from me on that one. I don’t really know what Wesley Snipe’s thinking is on his own dating predilections. I think Intraracial dating in America is fairly understandable; people tend to have more in common with those from their own background. However, dating black women is even more different than IR dating between a white man and an Asian, or Latino woman. Why? It probably has more to do with the very ugly history, and currently bad race relations between blacks and whites, especially so between black women and white men.
Why do you believe race relations between white men and black women are bad?
Could you see yourself actually marrying and having children with a black woman? Just curious.
I spent allot of time researching and writing about race relations when I started the blog, and my own personal observations were very much that relations between wm and bw are strained. I could especially see it in the dating world, where are white guy trying to befriend or date a black woman was accompanied by a great deal of suspicion; it’s not something you would see in the IR dating world of ww and bm.
I never had a problem with the idea of marrying a black woman; however, it’s not very easy to navigate that dating world, as I’ve said before, and history does more than you’d think to hinder establishing a healthy relationship between a bw and wm.
C1,
I appreciate you candor. Thanks for your input.
C1,
You just have to realize that black women will always question the motives of white men just because of your skin color. We have this sneaking suspicion that there is no way that a white man could ever love us or marry us, so when a white men expresses some type of interest, we have to throw him under the bus. It goes back to a low opinion of ourselves and our beauty and desirability, and a low opinion of white men in general, usually soley based on the color of his skin. That, in my opinion, is why you received so much hate mail from black women… we really don’t value ourselves enough to believe that any other type of man can value us as well. When you are raised in a society where even your own men don’t value you (BET, anyone??), you begin to doubt and may begin to relish in self-pity and become overly defensive.
To be honest, this mentality is something that I am breaking myself of now, before I get older and let the anger of the racial bs of the past ruin my believe in my future.
Dana111,
I feel the same way. I always defended C1’s blog and still will. I found his blog to be refreshing. I never saw it as a fetish, as it wasn’t always a question of sex, but an analysis and look at IR relationships that are never mentioned, those between black women and white men. I never felt his site was sexually demeaning or full of the sexual stereotypes that many times I feel are the focus of women appreciation sites. Another positive of the site for me was a site that finally wasn’t about insulting black women. The amount of black men finger pointing black women for all the ills of the black community far outweigh the black women appreciation sites. It was refreshing to see a site where a person actually put forth the effort to say that black women aren’t inherently flawed, and even if we are to an extent, it doesn’t mean we aren’t worthy of admiration, just like any other race of women.
Is it a fetish when someone proclaims they will only date within their own race? I find it odd that he never once said he only dated black women, but that was the assumption made, simply because he expressed an attraction to black women.