My mom used to help out at my elementary school. I spent my headstart year pretty much in my mom's presence. When time came for me to go across the hall to kindergarten, I pitched a fit. So my mom let me stay with her that day. So, seeing that throwing a fit worked. I tried it the next day when it was time for me to go to class. Only this time my mom grabbed me by the collar and told me if I didn't cut it out she would spank me. So faced with the fear of the unknown classroom and the known fear of a butt whooping, I chose the former.
I remember distinctly walking into class and the teacher seating me next to this girl. Let's call her Tasha. Tasha turns to me and asks my name. I say _________. She says do you want to be friends and I said okay. We started coloring or something and I forgot all about headstart and my mean momma. We were friends for the next eight years until graduation.
Making friends used to be easy. As I have gotten older, relationships with women have gotten more difficult to navigate. I have a couple good friends that are cool, true blue no matter what. Over the years I have made and lost a lot more. Some because, I have just outgrown them, some because I finally realized they just really did not like me. You know people who want to be around you but at the same time love to hate on you. Sometimes these 'haters' are cousins, church members, neighbors. Then some girls are friendly at first but really want to be more than friends if you catch my drift. Needless to say I am a bit wary when it comes to meeting new people.
I am wondering is this normal or am I just to fabulous for folk? I will say the few friends I do have are equally fabulous. LOL What has been your experience?
Taula,
I think it is because as we grow and life happens it becomes harder for us to let our guard down. By keeping a shield in place we at time effectively shut down what could be genuine friendships because we are afraid or wary of letting people in. With that said you do have to be cautious as to who you let into your intimate circle. I have friends on different levels. I have my kick it people, I have oh I am pissed I need to vent people, then I have my best friend whom is like a sister to me I have known her for almost 11 years now. My advice is to get to know people then place them on your friend meter. Not every friend is meant to be a confident.
True dat. I have met people who get upset because I don’t call them. I am like, really? I am a see ya when I see ya kinda girl. Espe. for an associate.. Sometimes its all too much work.
I have given up the hope that I will meet long-lasting friends right now. And to be honest I’m not really looking for any. I have gained some new associates that could be friends if I tried harder through my work but truthfully I just stick to the friends I have had for years because they know me and I know them for the most part. I have a friend I have been close to since we were five (like 26 years now) and I also have a friend I have known and loved for 8 years. But I don’t look to make any more like them. I truly believe people come into your life for a reason and you can’t just make anyone that seems cool a bff (whatever they call it nowadays). It is hard the older you get to make true friends so to me its better to nurture the relationships you already have.
I agree. I just thought I would throw the question out there to see if I am alone in my sentiments.
I think a lot of the difficulty owes to adults being more set in our ways than kids could ever be.
As a child I was on my way to becoming the man I am today. I was curious and open to new things. That was more than half a lifetime ago.
Today I know whom and what I like/dislike, which doesn’t leave room for people who don’t see things as I do or, at the very least, are so interesting that even though we don’t see eye-to-eye I’m drawn to them (no homo).
It may seem as if I want to be surrounded by LH lemmings but I don’t. But I also don’t want to sit around arguing or looking over my shoulder.
It’s not a woman thing or a man thing, in my view, but a people thing.
Interesting. For some reason I thought it would be easier for guys. You just grunt and drink and scratch yourselves in a group. Just kidding.
It’s definitely easir for guys from what I’ve observed because we’re pretty simple. Get a group of perfect strangers together and start talking about women, sports, music, etc., and at least two of the men present will part friends.
That said, I’m not who one would consider a guy’s guy. I like women, sports and music but I also go to Chicago Botanic Garden to paint flowers using watercolours, subscribe to the Lyric Opera and Chicago Symphony Orchestra and can distinguish lilac from periwinkle. As such, I don’t make (male) friends particularly easy–or even care to.
I guess the more differentiated you are the more difficult it is to find someone of like mind. It should be simpler still, I believe.
I’m just anti-social in my old age….
I never considered that angle.