I ran across a blog post in which the author poses the question, are black women's standards too high in finding a suitable husband?
A couple things.
The author had a list of qualities she wanted in a mate, well specifically a Black man. One of them was her preference for a "medium to dark complexioned man, a height requirement, loves God and family etc. Things the author was not too hung up on; education, house, cars, etc.
First, I don't judge her for her standards. You want what you want. I do take issue with listing physical requirements but socioeconomic standards are off the table. (I believed the author called them superficial.
Can we get real here?
1. Physical attributes do matter, but are overcome-able by more substantive qualifications.
Attractiveness goes beyond a height or weight. To me the most attractive thing about a man, bar none, is his intellect. A dumb. beautiful man is the BIGGEST turnoff. That and nice teeth. So If I am superficial about anything it's teeth, have all of them and brush them, regularly! lol If you don't have nice teeth, have a savings plan to correct the problem. Please!!!
To guys the physical comes first, ALWAYS.
Anywhooo,
#2 Money Matters – Have you ever heard the old refrain, I can do bad all by myself? Well as in the song, so in life. I remember watching an old film starring Warren Beatty. In it he wanted to marry this girl but he had no visible means of support, so the girl's father says no. Well, Beatty's character goes off to make a name for himself and then returns to wed his lady love. This is wrong how?
Some women want to marry to have companionship but even more so to have a stable family. Money provides that financial stability. The old rumble about can you love a garbage man is bogus. The answer is yes, from afar. lol
I think the fatal flaw with the bloggers' argument is her insistence on a black man. I could be wrong, although I don't think I am, to say that love is blind. I know many women who settle on a sub par guy just because he is a "black man". Kudos to them but certain things are deal breakers.
Still at home with momma? Uh mm, no.
Can't conjugate a verb? Uh mm no.
Got a baby's momma or two or three? Uh mm, no. (now if the lady has kids then she can decide if she wants a man with kids too. I don't fit into this category so, uh mm, NO!)
Strong, intelligent guy with a sense of humor? Uh mm, yeah.
Have all your teeth and NONE of them are gold and/or diamond encrusted? Uh mm, yeah.
You happen to be a weekend anchor for CNN who goes by the initialed moniker TJ Holmes? Ya darn Skippy! lol
Please add a comment. I love reading ya' feedback.
Relationship discussions are always complex in nature. For GT you can take two routes…well actually three:
1. Believe in the shortage of available black men and roll your eyes whenever you see what appears to be a successful brother on a white woman’s arms.
2. Work on yourself and believe that the right brother will come along when the Universe sees fit. In the meantime enjoy your life without regrets. Man or not.
3. Get a white man or its equivalent=Jewish guy or Asian.
Now route #2 has always worked for me. If I believe in lack…well I’ll get lack. There are many accomplished sisters out here who still feel inadequate for many reasons. Just because she has money and a degree don’t make the woman. I don’t believe in settling; but I do believe that there is a huge myth that a brother is supposed to have his game 100% tight before he should get play. Sorry..but that is total BS! Most brothers and men in general are loyal and committed to chicks who were there with them from the beginning when they didn’t have squat.
Ideally you want both parties to have matching potential. That means they are either both working on themselves or near completion of their personal goals. The ideal is that a couple can and should grow togetha…
Route number 3 is tricky cause sometimes women make “copping a white boy” seem like the ultimate rescue; as if white boys all have lots and lots of money, don’t treat their woman like hell (which they do!), and otherwise do not have the same quirks, ill personality traits, momma’s boy ism’s as much as any other man. He’s human; not a life jacket or a ticket to the promised land.
With that said; relationships are tricky. To GT its not about finding a man; it will always be about growing yourself. I have a gurfriend right now who’s been single for three years cause she just can’t shake her superficiality and be vulnerable and its an outright turn off to brothers.
Talula…I can go on for days…
Hey GT, I appreciate your honesty.
I agree its complicated. That’s why went ahead and posted this topic. I want to get opinions from aspects. Thanks for dropping yours.
TZA
I got a good laugh out of GT’s #3; a good laugh in a good sort of way. What’s the matter? Don’t us Latinos rate a mention? LOL. I’m Latino and my wonderful wife of 26 years is Afro-American. LOL.
You tell her smooth thug. LOL
Just kidding GT.
But on a more serious note, the bloger mentioned qualities that she’s looking for in a man. It’s double interesting to me that the qualities she’s looking for are those that pertain to what this man should look like while, at the same time, almost totally disregarding qualities such as his sense of respossibility which is shown by the attainment of an education and the purchase of a house. As Arsenio Hall used to say, “That makes me wanna say, ‘Hmm'”.