I came across this topic recently on a forum. It got me to thinking. I remember a girl who once stated that she broke up with a guy because he loved her long hair more than her. He actually said that if she cut her hair he would DUMP her.
Michael Baisden actually discussed the overwhelming use of hair weaves by African American Women on his radio show. His guest was a researcher who stated that most of the hair sold in the beauty supply shops IS NOT human as the tag claims. It is Yak or dog hair. I kid you not.
I know a girl who developed HUGE bald spots after wearing micro braids. The yak hair is probably the root cause. But I digress.
I have gotten more compliments from men when I have worn my hair straight and more compliments from women of all races with my Afro. So, is it true guys aren’t feeling the Afro or is it a misconception. I need some REAL, HONEST feedback.
As for me, I am natural for life. I absolutely LOVE my hair but then again I am single. Correlation?
Talula,
This will be a lot to chew on for a lot of black folks. I started to wear my hair natural after my third trip to Turkey. The second time I went, I had a perm, and my hair had grown shoulder length. When my roots started to grow out, my Turkish friends started saying that they liked the texture of my natural hair better than the permed. I told them that most African-Americans are ashamed of their naturally curly hair. They were shocked. They wanted to know why. I told them that it is massive self hatred.
That is what our hair is, NATURALLY CURLY hair. Our hair is not nasty or some kind of monster. Sad that after centuries we still do not know how to maintain our hair and despise it. We fear having a “nappy head” more than getting something of long term worth into our heads.
We African-Americans really need to develop self love for ourselves and stop trying to attain a kind of whiteness. Pathetic that this is the 21st century and we are still doing this same sad dance of self loathing. I saw how different attitudes were in Africa and Turkey about what the standard of beauty is. When I did Peace Corps, some of my British colleagues who taught with me saw some of my Essence magazines that I had sent there. These white Britons asked why didn’t African-Americans try to be themselves and stop trying to look like white people.
There are Turks who get their hair braided and corned rowed if they can find Africans there who can do it. Last summer I lived with a Turkish family’s whose 8 year old daughter wanted me to braid her hair and dreamed of having an Afro. She just loved the texture of my hair. My Turkish friend’s love to pull put my hair to its’ full length because my hair is quite long and has a very unique wave pattern. It looks like millions of little springs.
My Turkish boyfriend also loves my hair.
I have had Turkish males say to me to send some black women over there to them. I have had Turkish females say to send some black men over to them. Only in Turkey did I meet a white person who was part Turkish and Greek and who said that she believed her family has African blood since my hair is just like her grandfather’s. She said this proudly. How many whites would admit this? How many blacks wish they were lighter or whiter? How many black men secretly hate black women because they do not look like a the white ideal this society has taught them is the ideal woman?
When are we as a people doing to love ourselves? When are black men going to stop abandoning their female counterparts until any other group on the planet? Well there are plenty in places like Turkey, the Middle East, Africa, and Europe who dream of marrying a black woman. One of my good friends who is an Iranian American told me something interesting the last time I saw him,
“They brain wash you about what is beautiful when you come to America. I want me a sister now. They are beautiful.”
Here is a dating site for blacks: http://www.afrointroductions.com/. I learned about it from a Turkish friend who advertised there. Check out the men and women all over the world who are looking for relationships and marriage to blacks.
African-Americans have more problems with their blackness than a lot of people outside of these shores do. To many, “black IS beautiful.”
Wow Sincerae:
That is refreshing to hear.In my soul I know that black is beautiful and that there are men that appreciate that fact. It is difficult sometimes to maintain that faith when one is bombarded with pressures to conform.
It actually took me several years to go fully natural, not due to strangers, but the negative feedback of my family. Who only saw beauty in the straightness of my hair. It did not matter that my hair was too soft for a perm and it became badly damaged, ect.
I feel good about my choice and I am proud that my little neice loves it. I tell her all the time that her natural hair is amazing. It is hard for women dating though because some men will flat out tell you, “get a perm!”
I am not putting them down. It is only their narrow-minded attitudes I put down, but I lost interest in most African-Amerian men long ago. The constant, subtle berating of some really got on my nerves. There are some good, open-minded brothas out there, but finding them is like a needle in a haystack. I almost agree with my dermatologist who is an African female, that many men away from these shores know how to treat a woman. Beauty for many of them, especially in cultures like Turkey is not about the outer, but the inner person, which is biblical too because the Bible says, ‘that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God,’ (Luke 16:15) The warped concept that many have here is alien to their thinking. Of course, some are being influenced now by the western media from America, but in general the old attitudes which are rather positive are still there.
Great post:) Once I am finished with my Hapsburg series, I will probably link to this post and talk about the problem of self hatred and their hair which blacks in this country have. I think it is time I did.
Thank you.
I am actually natural, and have worn my hair natural or semi natural for almost 4 years. However, I am also flexible. I like to go short, I like to go long, and recently I have decided to weave and braid for a while because the air is so dry and the water is so harsh I wanted to give my own hair a rest. I like my hair best when it is in it’s naturally curly state, although natural for me is not an afro in the traditional sense. The curls are too big to actually achieve an afro that looks cute. Mine is more like a curly afro.
As far as hair falling out from braids or weaves, that is probably due more to the constant tight pulling of the hair. I know people who wear their hair in ponytails and never wear it down and they lose their hair at the stress points. I think we would see a lot more bald people if the hair from weaves and braids was the culprit. Especially here in California.
My hubby and other men that I know love the natural hair on me, even when it is boy short. I have gotten compliments from both men and women.
I have never hated my natural hair, nor do I see wearing weave as being a white thing. White women change their hair and wear weave too for their own reasons. Ultimately, you have to do what makes you feel good. I know that I get too distracted too easily to ever just do one thing to my hair. So the variety works for me.
Peace and blessings
One of the things my husband loves about me IS my natural hair. When I met him, I had a curly ‘fro. Last year, I started growing a set of locs. He wouldn’t have it any other way. I have noticed that some men like long, straight hair; they claim they like to play in it, run their fingers in it, whatever. I’ve had everything – except weave. I’ve never liked it. I’ve actually had more problems with other women concerning my hair than I have had with men.
Thanks Sumayyah and Diva Muse for the insight.
I have a curly ‘fro too, but I just say Afro to encompass the whole shake and go look.
I would love to get some male opinions on the topic.
TZA
You’re talking bout black men right? Cause from what I’ve seen, white dudes love a fro….
I kinda gathered the same thing, Afromania.
What’s the deal with that?
TZA
I completely agree with you. I am young lady who is 15 years old and I wear my hair naturally in an afro that is how I’m growing it out. I personally feel it is the most beautiful hairstyle I’ve ever worn and some black people I know really support it but many always ask, are you going to do something with your hair? They treat it likes it’s a monster and more of the white people I know treat me more like a human even these young boys are brainwashed some act weird with me while a smaller amount are nice to me because they know I have an attractive personality and look. I just want others to realize I am not out to get anyone I just want to show pride within myself.
Candice:
I appreciate your comment. You have to believe in yourself when no one else does, whether that’s in school or your appearance. Keep rocking that fro!