Okay, I am watching the Tyra Banks Show and her topic is, "Where Have All the Good Black Men Gone?" This is really interesting because for the past few days I have spoken to a few friends who all lamented the difficulty they were having finding a suitable husband.
Among my group of well-educated, successful, beautiful friends only one is married (happily) with a little baby boy. It got me to thinking. Instead of having this conversation among the usual suspects (black women), perhaps I could get a few male opinions.
Although the post and show refers to "black men" and I am looking for views from all men who like the sistahs. Leave a comment!!!
I don’t know, maybe it’s the company that I hang with, but just about all of my friends are successful black men. I know they say Birds of a feather flock together. I do think there are a lot of good black men out there who are looking for good future wives.
One of the problems that I face is the whole commitment thing. I’m continuing my education and will be broke again for two years while getting my master’s degree. I know that I want to have at least two year after I graduate to have money all to myself and not have to share and plan with others. It’s selfish, but something that I need to do to be happy.
Successful black men also don’t feel pressed to find Mrs. Right. Although I feel that there are a lot of successful black men out there, there are definitely more successful black women. The men know that, so they aren’t in any rush. That’s just my 2 cents though.
Thank you Cold Caution for your input. There has to be a place where men and women can meet in the middle. Ya’ Know?
What do good black men want in a woman? First and foremost, someone they consider a friend to the end. A person they can talk to about sports, religion, family, relationships, future and world issues, but also talk about cartoons and other light hearted issues. Someone who is confident and has a swagger, yet also humble and shy in some situations. Honest, loyal, and giving. Active or athletic, feminine with a little bit of tom boy. Intelligent, great communicator, and great listener. Adventurous, flirtatious, and good sense of humor. Ready to ride or dye for her man, but ain’t afraid to check him when he’s out of line. Spiritual, strong, and at times silly (able to laugh at herself). Can hang out with my me and the fellas and can hold her own when she is the only female in the room. Secure in herself and not worried about where I am 24/7. Good cook or at least willing to try. Loves kids, the elderly, and animals. Sexy, freaky, and energetic in the bedroom, but ALL LADY in public. Not afraid to let a man know what she wants, needs and has to have in and out the bedroom. Affectionate, passionate, sincere, romantic, creative, and at times, touchy feely. Career minded or business-minded or someone with an entrepreneurial spirit. A go-getta, a hustler, and a mover and a shaker. A lover of life and all that it has to offer. How’s that for an answer…
Well Alright!! Erliss I asked and you answered. That’a a lot to live up to but I appreciate your honesty!
Talulazoeapple
I am pretty young, but I think that with the state of the black community the dynamic is trying to shift back from the woman controlling everything. The men that “educated” black women want to date don’t want to subject themselves to the mercy of anyone. We want to be strong and often times it is the very women that are closest to us that prevent us from being that way. So the first thing I would say is a woman that is strong, but recognizes that she doesn’t not have to make me weak to assert her strength. That way we wont feel like commitment=power struggle. In line with that, I can only speak for myself but I compare women to women in my life and I have a certain female that treated me well and I found to be a picture of what a woman really should be. For a lot of people that’s their mother, but for some its just a mother figure. SO with that said I think a lot of guys look for that mother figure, but not a girl trying to be HIS mother.
Basically there a just a lot of fine lines that both sexes tiptoe and if you misstep you run the risk of falling off the tightrope. But that’s a part of life. The point is to figure it out for yourself. Which is the last point. I think most guys like women that think for themselves and don’t try to find formulas and equations for the perfect man or for how they can be perfect. Just be strong, be yourself and have faith. That’s really all you can do. And when you relax, you’ll find what you’ve spent a lifetime of energy searching for.
Well Jeffrey,
Wise words from someone so “young”. I am loving this post. There is so much insight in these comments.
Keep ’em coming!!
Talulazoeapple
As most of the brothers posting will support, there isn’t a shortage of good balck men at all. I think it may be the perceptions and actions of women and they create a problem for themselve….to be blunt…a lot of women want what they can’t have. The “successful” woman seems to gauge her value to a man on what creditals she has or how much money she makes. She sets herself on a particular level in her mind, regardless of what truly appeals to a man i.e. aesthetics, domestic skills, sexual appetite etc.. I hate to be crass but because of the womens skewed perception of self and what men really want, a women thats a 6 (scale of 1-10) will act as an 8 and take a pass on eligible men in her peer group. She’ll then find little if any success pursuing men on that 8 level because they don’t view her as a viable option. They may “date” her from a intimacy standpoint, but may never introduce her to friends and family or advance the relationship past drinks and movie night. I believe women value success money and security in their partners considerably more than men, because we’re taught not to rely on a women, but to provide. Again fellas please check me if I’m wrong, but I believe our needs are more basic..aesthetics and support.
Usual Suspect,
Controversial. Me likey!!
As a married woman, I have been doing a better job of listening to and learning from my husband about what he wants and needs from me.
I am not perfect, but have learned a lot, especially over the last year.
See the detail here:
http://andlifemoreabundantly.blogspot.com/2008/06/part-ii-wifes-perspective-what-does.html